While my wife was in the kitchen cooking breakfast I suddenly heard a loud thud. Running in, I found her passed out on the floor. I began to panic, I had no idea what to do. Then I remembered Tesco do an all-day breakfast for £3.99. ***** A man has been caught masturbating in a newsagents Apparently its all over the Newspapers ! ***** Two dyslexics in a car One says ' Can you smell petrol ?' The other replies 'feck off, I cant even smell my own name' **** Smooth talking chap 'Is that a ladder in your stocking or is it a stairway to heaven?' Girl replies 'Yes it is a stairway to heaven....but I have already got a tw@t at the top of it, so sod off !'