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The window cleaners bad custy code

My new tactic with collecting £ from customers who are being a pain in the bum (and therefore due to get dumped straight after I get paid) is to send a message on Saturday saying

'Hi, hope you are well. Just to mention that I passing through your area early Sunday morning so am very happy to pop over if you would prefer to pay the £20 still owed in cash. But obviously if you do get a chance to pay online today then that would be fantastic and here is the link to the website etc in case you need the details again. Many thanks'

Has been working for me

 
Could well be but as someone else pointed out maybe haggler friends is a better description as we don't want to annoy the natives now do we. /emoticons/biggrin.png

That's defo one of our barterer friends!
 
Just had a neighbour phone up and said can I clean just the front of the house as next door is selling and asked if I could do it today or tomorrow... WTF

I said I'm having a rest this weekend so can book you in sometime in the next couple of weeks and it will xxx amount of squid. She then said oh I will get back to you... Yeah right

She happens to be a friend of the family and as tight as a ducks **** so expected to be done for next to nothing and has not had anyone clean the outside of the house for yonks so you can just imagine what it looks like. Well I got news for her it is not going to happen by me on the cheap that's for sure. /emoticons/biggrin.png

 
I get fed up of being lied to. The one I hear the most is when I ask if they want a monthly visit, and they say something like; "We'll see how this one goes and decide from there". They are always the 'spring cleaners'/'oneoff'ers', that want you to work your ass off to impress, with no intention of giving you a regular slot. Some one that wants a monthly cleaner just simply says 'yes', or even better, they will initiate it.

 
"we had a guy clean our windows last year but he never came back for his money "

dont do it, whatever you do.

 
"we had a guy clean our windows last year but he never came back for his money "
dont do it, whatever you do.
You just know they are a pain in the **** if the cleaner didnt even bother to collect.lol

 
I get fed up of being lied to. The one I hear the most is when I ask if they want a monthly visit, and they say something like; "We'll see how this one goes and decide from there". They are always the 'spring cleaners'/'oneoff'ers', that want you to work your ass off to impress, with no intention of giving you a regular slot. Some one that wants a monthly cleaner just simply says 'yes', or even better, they will initiate it.
This is why I like facebook, they come to you, they ask you to do it, as a consequence I have only two messers in a year.

 
Lol, I just had one of my messers phone asking when I'm calling next. The last time I turned up (November I think) she turned me away saying 'we're going on holiday next week.' Err, you're off the list ya bint! I didn't say that, but I said I'd call her. She's going to be waiting a long time for my phone call :whistle:

 
This is why i am like i am..if i fob a messer off constantly and they give me a bad name to their neighbours and friends my work may suffer

If i point blank tell them why i am not coming back they can't badmouth me as they have been told the reason

I had one like that who messed me about with paying on paypal

She was 2 weekly

Phoned me after 6 weeks to ask was i still cleaning windows

I replied yes but only for people who pay me and you owe me for 2 cleans

She was very apologetic and pays me promptly now

Well she missed last weeks payment so i will remind her by text tomorrow but has been good for ages

If it gets to next week and not paid she will be binned and she knows it

 
ttouch ood im lucky no messers bother the 1 i had last week Lol but generally i get my mney from paypal and collect money wen collecting i txt in morning sayin im calling round to collect for cleaning i knock the door i get the money bang banmg bang i have about 80% of my work is working class people always pay straight away the other ones is the ones i need to text lol then they pay n bother :)

 
So it goes like this:

I am doing one of my grannies houses in a pretty well to do little village when 'yoo hoo' comes from across the road.

'Are you a window cleaner?' she asks ass the eyes roll to the back of my head, 'No, i'm a fuc^&ng brain surgeon' is the response in my head.

'I've just moved in across the road and I'm in need of a window cleaner' she says, 'give me 5 minutes and i'll come take a look' I reply.

I go over and take a look around and give her a price, no problem she says, windows get done and she pays with her debit card on my little Paypal machine.

Over a cup of tea she tells me of a tale of her kids private school that would not allow this guys kids to join cause he was 'just a window cleaner' I happen to know of the fellow in question whom has a 7 figure bank account from him national cleaning business. (thee relevance of this bit of information will become clear later)

She tells us of how she is renting the big house as she has got rid of her husband so is treating herself on his expense and so on blah blah blah... wants to live like lady muck

Following month we do the windows, 'Oh the nanny has my bank car and has taken the kids to town shopping. 'You only have one bank card?' I ask. 'Yes' she replies.

We go back the following month, do the windows again she now owes us two months, now some excuse from the nanny as to why she cant pay as hasn't got the card and lady muck is disabled upstairs resting in bed.

What is meant by disabled is she is so fat she cant get her **** out of bed ( I do not say that out of spite I say it as she is three times my size and I am 17 stone)

'She says she will pay on Paypal', says the nanny, a week later no payment, so I go back, (this job is a 40 minute round trip for me)

'I have paid it on Paypal' she says, 'no, you haven't' I reply and show her a list of payments none with her name on them, 'I will do it tonight she says'

A week later no payment so I go back, this time insisting that she pays on the card, she does.

Net clean comes and every excuse under the sun again. 'Set us a direct debit on GoCardless' I tell her and give her all the information.

Two weeks later still not done, so I go back, this time the nanny again, 'She's set up a direct debit' she says. 'no she hasn't' I explain and tell her if she wants the windows doing I expect to get paid for doing the job.

Three hours later I get an email saying the Direct debit has been set up.

A week passes and I get an email from GoCardless:

'We have been notified by your customers bank that they have insufficient funds in their account to cover this transaction'

Oh well, here we go again.

Wednesday comes and it's time to do the job again so off I go.

I knock on the door, no answer, just barking dogs, I knock again, more dogs and this time her hushing the dogs in the background, now I knock like a police raid, she comes to the door.....'Do you want the windows cleaning?' I ask

'Might as well she replies'

'OK well that will be 2 x cleans of payments' I say

'Oh no, I have set up a direct debit, she says' ............ 'yes you did but you haven't got the money to cover it' I reply as I show her the email.

'Oh well that's not my email address that's my husbands, mine is awolle....@ --- cawolle....@ is my husbands email address'

'Look luv, you set up the Direct debit, not me, I didn't put in the information, you did, do you want to pay on your card?'

'The nanny has the card and has taken the kids to town'

'REALLY? THE NANNY HAS MY CARD EXCUSE AGAIN?' says my most sarcastic tone of voice.

'I don't like the way you're talking to me!' she says. 'I don't care for the way you're taking the pi$$' I reply.

'Find another window cleaner if you can'

Thirty minutes later she was on my website and paid through Paypal. Makes no odds, she wont have me doing the windows again.

 
So it goes like this:
I am doing one of my grannies houses in a pretty well to do little village when 'yoo hoo' comes from across the road.

'Are you a window cleaner?' she asks ass the eyes roll to the back of my head, 'No, i'm a fuc^&ng brain surgeon' is the response in my head.

'I've just moved in across the road and I'm in need of a window cleaner' she says, 'give me 5 minutes and i'll come take a look' I reply.

I go over and take a look around and give her a price, no problem she says, windows get done and she pays with her debit card on my little Paypal machine.

Over a cup of tea she tells me of a tale of her kids private school that would not allow this guys kids to join cause he was 'just a window cleaner' I happen to know of the fellow in question whom has a 7 figure bank account from him national cleaning business. (thee relevance of this bit of information will become clear later)

She tells us of how she is renting the big house as she has got rid of her husband so is treating herself on his expense and so on blah blah blah... wants to live like lady muck

Following month we do the windows, 'Oh the nanny has my bank car and has taken the kids to town shopping. 'You only have one bank card?' I ask. 'Yes' she replies.

We go back the following month, do the windows again she now owes us two months, now some excuse from the nanny as to why she cant pay as hasn't got the card and lady muck is disabled upstairs resting in bed.

What is meant by disabled is she is so fat she cant get her **** out of bed ( I do not say that out of spite I say it as she is three times my size and I am 17 stone)

'She says she will pay on Paypal', says the nanny, a week later no payment, so I go back, (this job is a 40 minute round trip for me)

'I have paid it on Paypal' she says, 'no, you haven't' I reply and show her a list of payments none with her name on them, 'I will do it tonight she says'

A week later no payment so I go back, this time insisting that she pays on the card, she does.

Net clean comes and every excuse under the sun again. 'Set us a direct debit on GoCardless' I tell her and give her all the information.

Two weeks later still not done, so I go back, this time the nanny again, 'She's set up a direct debit' she says. 'no she hasn't' I explain and tell her if she wants the windows doing I expect to get paid for doing the job.

Three hours later I get an email saying the Direct debit has been set up.

A week passes and I get an email from GoCardless:

'We have been notified by your customers bank that they have insufficient funds in their account to cover this transaction'

Oh well, here we go again.

Wednesday comes and it's time to do the job again so off I go.

I knock on the door, no answer, just barking dogs, I knock again, more dogs and this time her hushing the dogs in the background, now I knock like a police raid, she comes to the door.....'Do you want the windows cleaning?' I ask

'Might as well she replies'

'OK well that will be 2 x cleans of payments' I say

'Oh no, I have set up a direct debit, she says' ............ 'yes you did but you haven't got the money to cover it' I reply as I show her the email.

'Oh well that's not my email address that's my husbands, mine is awolle....@ --- cawolle....@ is my husbands email address'

'Look luv, you set up the Direct debit, not me, I didn't put in the information, you did, do you want to pay on your card?'

'The nanny has the card and has taken the kids to town'

'REALLY? THE NANNY HAS MY CARD EXCUSE AGAIN?' says my most sarcastic tone of voice.

'I don't like the way you're talking to me!' she says. 'I don't care for the way you're taking the pi$$' I reply.

'Find another window cleaner if you can'

Thirty minutes later she was on my website and paid through Paypal. Makes no odds, she wont have me doing the windows again.
Bloody hell you have some patience!

 
mdness its always the rich ones who think they can keep u waiting the working classs always pay straight away as they no wat the 10 or 20 quid means

 
There's a great device many of you probably don't yet have in your tool box, you get it at 'toys R us' Called a SUPER SOAKER (actually scored mine at a car boot sale).

Some dregs from the bottom of a squeegee bucket after a long day and you can soon restore a non paying customers windows to their former glory from 30 feet away with no bother! /emoticons/smile.png) /emoticons/smile.png) /emoticons/tongue.png/emoticons/smile.png) /emoticons/smile.png)

 
There's a great device many of you probably don't yet have in your tool box, you get it at 'toys R us' Called a SUPER SOAKER (actually scored mine at a car boot sale).
Some dregs from the bottom of a squeegee bucket after a long day and you can soon restore a non paying customers windows to their former glory from 30 feet away with no bother! /emoticons/smile.png) /emoticons/smile.png) /emoticons/tongue.png/emoticons/smile.png) /emoticons/smile.png)
Even better if you are WFP or know someone who is, use their waste water from their RO, that stuff is evil.

 
Caught my 4 year old pouring this into my 'pure' drums! He likes to play with the waste hose, filling up watering can, paddling pool etc.....

I've one customer that owed me for two cleans, ended up bartering beer as the husband has micro brewery! Good stuff too

 
"we had a guy clean our windows last year but he never came back for his money "
dont do it, whatever you do.
He probably did call back and back and back and got tired of hearing "ive got no cash until wednesday"

 
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