S
SolarPanelCleaning
Two snowmen in a field.
One says to the other, "can you smell carrots?".
One says to the other, "can you smell carrots?".
Welcome to the UK Window Cleaning Forums
Starting or own a window cleaning business? We're a network of window cleaners sharing advice, tips & experience. Rounds for sale & more. Join us today!
Just for a Larf...
- Thread starter SPCleaning
- Start date
Help Support WCF:
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy area.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do......
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats".
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do......
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats".
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
The Mrs was in court charged with stealing a tin of peaches .
The Judge asked her..."How many peaches were in the tin?"
The Mrs replied..."Four your honour".
The Judge tells her, that she will serve 1 month in prison for each peach.
As she was being led away,
I shouted from the public gallery....... "And she stole a tin of peas!"
The Judge asked her..."How many peaches were in the tin?"
The Mrs replied..."Four your honour".
The Judge tells her, that she will serve 1 month in prison for each peach.
As she was being led away,
I shouted from the public gallery....... "And she stole a tin of peas!"
cheapncheerful
Well-known member
- Messages
- 6,486
- Location
- sandbach
apparently my old bag not amused but I cant stop laughing so much that I have to use my new gav given powers to bookmark this post for when I feel depressed../emoticons/biggrin.png
SPCleaning
Well-known member
- Messages
- 1,359
- Location
- Devon
A seventeen-year-old came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, “Where did you get that car?”
He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”
“With what money!?” demanded his parents. “We know what a Porsche costs.”
“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen pounds.”
The parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars!?” they asked.
“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. “Don’t know her name — they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen pounds.”
“Oh my goodness!” moaned the mother, “she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.”
So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she has sold a Porsche for fifteen pounds and demanded to know why she did it.
“Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn’t intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”
He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”
“With what money!?” demanded his parents. “We know what a Porsche costs.”
“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen pounds.”
The parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars!?” they asked.
“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. “Don’t know her name — they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen pounds.”
“Oh my goodness!” moaned the mother, “she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.”
So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she has sold a Porsche for fifteen pounds and demanded to know why she did it.
“Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn’t intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”
cheapncheerful
Well-known member
- Messages
- 6,486
- Location
- sandbach
ya bugger till now that is both very clever and very funny as long as wifey dont see it..ta...:rofl:
A guy goes to the Council for a job.
The interviewer asks, "Have you any alergies"?
"Yes, caffeine" he says.
"Are you disabled in any way"?
"Yes, I was in the army and a bomb exploded near me and blew my testicles off".
Interviewer says, "OK, your hired. The hours are 8 till 3, but you can start at 10".
The guy asks, "Why 10".
The interviewer says.......
"This is a Council job.
The 1st two hours we stand around drinking coffee and scratching our ********, so no point you coming in".
The interviewer asks, "Have you any alergies"?
"Yes, caffeine" he says.
"Are you disabled in any way"?
"Yes, I was in the army and a bomb exploded near me and blew my testicles off".
Interviewer says, "OK, your hired. The hours are 8 till 3, but you can start at 10".
The guy asks, "Why 10".
The interviewer says.......
"This is a Council job.
The 1st two hours we stand around drinking coffee and scratching our ********, so no point you coming in".
My wife came down and caught me on the computer late last night.
I could tell straight away she wasnt pleased....
"Errr, I'm just looking for some cheap flights!" I told her.
Well she soon changed her tune......
she told me she loved me, unzipped my trousers and gave me a good seeing-too right there and then....
I didn't even realise she liked darts.
I could tell straight away she wasnt pleased....
"Errr, I'm just looking for some cheap flights!" I told her.
Well she soon changed her tune......
she told me she loved me, unzipped my trousers and gave me a good seeing-too right there and then....
I didn't even realise she liked darts.
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My God, it's Jesus!"
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all me life is completely gone! It's a miracle."
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,...... "Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit!"
They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My God, it's Jesus!"
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all me life is completely gone! It's a miracle."
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,...... "Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit!"
cheapncheerful
Well-known member
- Messages
- 6,486
- Location
- sandbach
dont know where your getting em from but they really funny ta bingo was feeling a bit depwessed...but not so now..
why depwessed...?
silly cheapie left his pole in the porch on his job yesterday and he has to go miles in the opposite direction to pick it up...
and...silly cheapie ..fell down one of them six inch drops they deliberately put in garden patios to feck wfp ers...
and so has a sorely ankle...:gush:
still weather looking slightly better for the rest of the week and cheapie is on a charge before the stupid schools release all the little darlings to get in his way
im genuinely giving you funnys cause they are all funny...
if you could remember them and stand on stage....
why depwessed...?
silly cheapie left his pole in the porch on his job yesterday and he has to go miles in the opposite direction to pick it up...
and...silly cheapie ..fell down one of them six inch drops they deliberately put in garden patios to feck wfp ers...
and so has a sorely ankle...:gush:
still weather looking slightly better for the rest of the week and cheapie is on a charge before the stupid schools release all the little darlings to get in his way
im genuinely giving you funnys cause they are all funny...
if you could remember them and stand on stage....
cheapncheerful
Well-known member
- Messages
- 6,486
- Location
- sandbach
bloody hell bingo even the wife has started cracking a smile at these jokes..:rofl:
Similar threads
