Joke

[Alec]

Mary said to Jesus "where you going son"? To which Jesus replied "not sure mum but I'll be away Friday & back Sunday" [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji51]

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[steve garwood]

Walked in the library yesterday and said to the girl "I'm after a book by shakespeare"

She asked "which one?"

I said "William" /emoticons/biggrin.png

 

[Phil-Day]

Two fellas sitting in a pub... one said to the other "I think my wife's having an affair..." to which the other chap responded "why do you say that mate??" The distressed fella replied "we've just moved house 350 miles from our previous last month... but we still have the same window cleaner!"

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[Alec]

..Jurgen Klopp flies to Kabul to watch a young Afghani play football. He is suitably impressed & arranges for the player to come over.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 2-0 down to Everton with only 20 minutes left.

The manager gives the young Afghani striker the nod & on he goes.

The lad is a sensation. He scores 3 goals in 20 minutes & wins the game for Liverpool . The fans are delighted, the players & the coach are delighted & the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.

'Hello mum, guess what?' he says 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 2 - 0 down but I scored 3, they call it a hat-trick, & we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the press, they all love me.'

'Just wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day

Your father got shot in the street, your sister & I were ambushed & assaulted.

Your brother has joined a local gang of looters & set fire to some buildings & all while you tell me that you were having a great time!!'

The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry.'

Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!' says his mum.

'It's your bloody fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!'....

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[Green Pro Clean Ltd]

I went to the gym this morning and saw a hole in the bottom of my trainer I could fit two fingers in.

She complained and I'm banned for life.