another tuffers mega bedtime read...zzzzz ...

[cheapncheerful]

and so for today's job

can you clean ze window frames....ooops sorry but shes a german..

I have done all the opening bits and the sills so its just around the edges...

well I pretty much do them every time but hey ho its spring cleaning time...

I will give you a bucket with plenty of fairy in it...

hmmm ta mrs german...

£10 I said seeing as....I would be up my ladder cleaning the windows anyway..

well how much would you charge to clean the gutters and facia...

well...I said...having a quick look to see them spotless and black gutters with not a vent to be seen....a pound a metre...

oh well how much to just do the tops at the back...

so I said...well the brackets are usually a metre apart so you can count them easy....

so how much to just do the tops at the back...yep....me got to do the counting...so there I am going 1,2 ,3, 4 for effect ...I would just have loved to do it in german..

er...and I am always generous...£!4 altogether then....and I could just see the huge calculations taking place in her finely tuned german mind as she glanced at the downstairs....stepladders...time taken....hmmmm hard thinking process but to be fair she is a larger lady and the thought of the step ladders creaking may have put this my way..

so how much for the downstairs..? oh for fecks sake I would have liked to have said ,..count the feckin brackets..but I refrain as you do.and so off I go...1,2,3,4

so I said for all the back £25......

oh....some thought later....so how much for the front ?

now it was getting boring as she waddled around to the front so I took a quick look and just said....£25 for all the front before she got chance to say for the tops....

oh some thought took place again....and,,,,how much for cleaning the windows...

now this was mentioned in a post a while back....next doors was a tenner...now worth £15 but still a tenner, but...you do get a nice ice cold can of coke...

and so I had been asked to pop a quote through years ago and had put a tenner...

years later she said I will leave the ten pounds under the wheelie bin and I thought great a cheapie special money left no one in..

now I didnt pounce on the money as you never know whos behind them thick net curtains.....and can you imagine my face when I lifted up the bin at the end to see no money....NOT even inside the bin...I mean how desperate was I to look inside a bin of rubbish ...

but after all...she was a german and they do have some funny ways...not pc enough..okay the brits have some funny ways too...all equal now..

anyway I didnt rush around to collect as I have stopped collecting and it was some time later when I knocked on the door...

oh...I am just calling for my money....vot did you not get it from under ze bin ? oh sorry typewriter error

no I said...so off she waddles to investigate....and after some time as she plainly didnt believe I would look proper, she concluded, it must have blown away..l will get another..

of course I took my tenner and felt guilty as hell and thought she thinks Im pulling a fast one..

a long while later the phone rings...I have found your money down the side of the shed she said....

anyway....last time I cleaned the windows she said its under the rear door mat.she doesnt trust the wheelie bin anymore...

er....mrs german....you can plainly see through that door mat but suppose it is around the back..

picks it up to find £15...well to be fair...its a big house and worth that ...and in my last post I did say....maybe its a tip....

and back to today....so how much for the windows?

well whats a windy to say.....£15 I said looking straight into her dark eyes....

and so if I ever get off this addictive site, that bloody gav I blame.....will I get my £50 plus £10 plus £15....or not...dont know how good her adding is...

she wanted it doing there and then on monday in the full sun ...but it being monday I was overly tired from all my exercise lifting the remote control and my beer...and to be fair I didnt want to dance around the four cars crammed on the drive as frank may come back...

and my little heart got all excited when I heard the words......I want to pay you before I go out...

so I will either be very happy or peed off tonight...have a good day folks and get some money in...

 

[Tuffers]

Love it. Keep em coming Dave :thumbsup:

 

[Dave B]

[media]

[/media]

 

[cheapncheerful]

and....not daft ze germans either..cant see me saying a pound a metre for a long long time..

yes i had a cunning plan....

well next door, the ice cold coke was booked in and so ...I was to be in two places at once because them gutters fascias where going to be soooo easy to clean....

so I placed all my stuff all over the place and showed off my virisol like a true pro and she did indeed pay me up front and....even gave me a fiver tip...me likes ze germans.

I messed about a bit getting my kit ready and as soon as she left shot next door..but...

I had a sneaky feeling judging by the two remaining cars that more germans may be lurking behind them nets....

so got my water next door and he was the one that wanted a price for the high up roof glass in his conny...

so ....I told him how its not that simple these days as you have to take a photo and send it to your insurance company and you have to send a risk assesment form and then ...looking at the spotless white couch explained how one drop of dirty water on that and I would face a claim and how I cant even move it because I may scratch the floor blah de blah de blah...to be honest...I DONT WANT TO CLEAN GLASS CONNY ROOFS INSIDE...Not my cuppa tea..

I then said as quick as you can sixty quid....and could see the look of horror on his face...I mean I never noticed the merc on the drive or the classic vintage car and....vintage porsche in the garage...but told you...its tough up north...

but I genuinely dont want the job....and as for a date to book it in...

yes sorry you cant ....because ...it can not be sunny ....AT ALL...

In fact...really me wants a rainy day...

its not the worlds biggest glass conny you understand...two large panels either side and then onto the rounded bit..but...so far...I have always dodged em...

last time...I didnt have a big enough set of stepladders...

anyway much sneaking back and forth from house to house later to keep ze german thinking I was working there ...I dont think it worked but didnt really care...

out popped mr german....he was routing in the boot of his car but really ...I think he was looking for me..

its okay I didnt mention the war...

actually he looks english to me...I had a feeling more people were lurking behind them net curtains and indeed....the cleaner was keeping an eye on me too..

I was getting quite cocky as I went to get my money off mr ice cold coke..well actually he apologised for not having any coke...and gave me a juice for a change..

and whilst he asked me how much....and I said a tenner....for some reason..I think its you lot...I said...but...I THINK its about time it went to twelve...I blame smurfy...

and after all...I got a free gift off him as well. a 20l petrol jerry can...no jokes about his neighbour please....

so then back to ze german and I got stuck in.....

yeh ....it wasnt quite as easy as I thought..

IM NOT telling you the boll ocks I dropped smurfy probally knows but....i dropped several and ....it took me way way longer than it should...

it was to do with the type of plastic used in the fascias...very very shiny stuff...

and a lesson or too for the future...

oh and somehow dont think cheapy will be doing any pound a metre gutter facia cleans again..maybe double that ..maybe..

but on the plus side she did pay me quick and she did say she wanted it cleaned at least yearly so...maybe a good job next time now I have learnt my rookie mistakes..

one of which was to try and use a dead banana which is spinning in its grave...

forgot to say on my way to clean it ....I glanced in the mirror to see my shaver had missed two bits...I kid you not...can you guess who I looked like?

 

[Tuffers]

and....not daft ze germans either..cant see me saying a pound a metre for a long long time..
yes

Tell her it's a Euro a metre, that'll confuggle her /emoticons/biggrin.png

Hang on, you'll be out of pocket asking for a Euro a metre. Stick to a quid a metre Dave :thumbsup:

 

[Gavin]

Ha love your stories @cheapncheerful :rof: