Jokes

[mark m]

Lets get some good clean jokes on please --

A big row has broken out in the Irish Olympic Synchronised diving team after paddy accused mick of copying him

 

[mark m]

2 Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine ... both were rushed to hospital.... one`s in a korma the others got a dodgy tikka

 

[mark m]

I was accused of breaking the sound barrier or as the police put it the wifes jaw

 

[mark m]

I took two stuffed dogs to the antiques roadshow... They said these are very rare .Any idea what they would fetch if they were alive ?. I said Stick, you thick idiot.

 

[mark m]

My mate Sid was a victim of id theft recently.Now hes just called S

 

[Belfastcleaning]

Lol !!!

 

[mark m]

I was getting chatted up by a bird in a club last ***ht .She said have you got a nick name ,I replied yes my friends call me sledge , is that because you`re` sleek and fast ?.No ....its because i get pulled by dogs .

 

[mark m]

The lynx effect really does work .I`ve just sprayed myself with lynx Africa and now i`m ruddy starving and covered in flies

 

[Masons]

This thread is proof half the things I put on here don't get read:

https://www.windowcleaningforums.co.uk/topic/1879-official-joke-thread/page__hl__%2Bofficial+%2Bjokes

 

[mark m]

100 Polish fans were arrested last ***ht for mindless violence in Warsaw.They were immediately deported back to England

 

[Posh]

These jokes have cheered me up. I parked up today & when I came back I'd been hit by a hama fore. Big dent in my wing.

 

[Dodger]

A window-cleaner up in a cradle sees two blokes on the roof of the building. He goes up to ask what the problem is, and one says "Nothing. I was just going to have a quick fly around".

The window-cleaner expresses doubts, upon which the man stands up, flaps his arms, jumps off the roof and flies twice round the building.

"Wow!" says the window-cleaner. "Can you show me how to do that?"

"Just do what I did", replies the man.

So the window-cleaner stands up, flaps his arms, jumps... and crashes to his death 100 feet below.

The second man looks at the first man and says,

"You know, Gabriel - for an angel, you can be a real b*****d..."

 

[Dodger]

Teacher: What is the chemical formula for Water?

Little Johnny: It's H2O

Teacher: Good! Can you tell me the chemical formula for ice?

Little Johnny: It's H2O cubed.

 

[Dodger]

Sharon asks Johnny, "Will you still love me when I'm old and grey?"

Johnny replies, "Just love you? I shall admire you. I shall worship the very ground that you walk on. I shall...", then asks hesitantly, "you're not going to look like your mother, are you?"

 

[mark m]

I just got sacked from my job as a bingo caller last ***ht .Apparently " a meal for two with a hairy view " is unacceptable way to describe the number 69.

 

[mark m]

Have you been injured at work ?

Had a car accident ?

Fell over on a wet floor ?

Tripped on a uneven pavement ?

If so....

sort yourself out ,you clumsy man

 

[mark m]

Condoms don`t` guarantee safe sex anymore ...a friend of mine was wearing one when he was stabbed by the womens` husband

 

[Gmeister]

Lmao!

You know because of the economical financial situation with spain, they had to downgrade tenerife to fiverife

 

[Gmeister]

Why are pirates, Pirates?

Because they Y'ARRRRRR

 

[Dodger]

A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don't get it

 

[mark m]

My budgie got out of the cage and shagged the dog .If you are interested i`ve got some puppies going cheap