The guilt of fred the windowcleaner...

Discussion in 'Chit Chat & Introductions' started by cheapncheerful, Dec 16, 2014.

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  1. cheapncheerful

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    #1 cheapncheerful, Dec 16, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2014
    fred didnt have a good start to the day.....he was cleaning his nice and easy bungalows...and as he said goodbye to one of his customers he approached her front door to clean it...

    .fred always cleaned the front door glass as he thought the old peeps would check that....and as he got there he noticed the xmas wreath on the door....so did fred really need to clean it this month?....too late fred was off with his cloth and lifted up the wreath....of course it fell to the floor into a crumpled pile with at least ten branches having come unattached....

    now no one could see fred so he thought i will just stick it all back together and do a runner....and so he replaced all the branches any where he could and was quite pleased to see it all back together and he ventured towards the door to stick it up....but where was it hanging...?

    there was a tiny hole but no sign of any nail ....so fred thought well there was a number one...perhaps it hung on that...after about ten attempts and three rebuilds after it fell again on the floor fred succeeded..

    but he knew....it was only going to fall on the little old lady as she opened the door...but equally ...time was ticking and fred the window cleaner was not making money...
    he looked in vain in the little cupboard at the side for a nail or screw.......he knew he had nothing in the car...so he had to go....after his sill cloth cleaned away the glitter and bits off the step he stood back and admired his job...no one would know...but fred was feeling guilty..but today luck was with fred....as he looked back at it he spied something yellow on the edge of the path....it turned out to be a yellow safety pin.....and so all was well...and despite the fact that none of the branches were wired in like they should be....and any wind or movement would mean they fell on the floor..at least the wreath would stay up and not fall on the little old ladies head...

    fred trundled off to his next job....it was a big job but one he liked....although at the front he was aware of eyes watching he knew he was safe around the back and he could go and play with his new toy the wfp....

    it had a large conny around the back ideal for a quick workout on the wfp and the owner was never in there till night so fred went to get stuck in...only what fred hadn't realised was because he had gone on a different day from usual, as he tried to get ahead with his work for xmas....this must have been conny cleaning day....
    so fred couldnt rush and had to take his time....he did get a bit distracted as the rather shapely lady bent over and got stuck into cleaning the floor....he got that distracted that he didnt notice the pile of cat sh it that he kicked along and walked in....that is until his sense of smell alerted him...

    a look down at freds size 11 boots and you couldnt get it more covered if you tried...next time fred would come on his normal day so he didnt get distracted....but....fred did find a new use for the pencil jets on full force on his backpack wfp.....the jets nicely fired out the cat :turd: from the grooves....

    and so fred escaped to his last job....still not happy that all the :turd: was gone...

    fred was getting all his odd jobs done which he had left as he wasnt so keen as the people were always in and fred is shy...:specs:specs:specs

    so as fred approached this last job he kept his ladder well away from the big black merc....but he wanted to leave it somewhere whilst he went for water....he didnt want to frighten the owner by just appearing at the bay window....so fred placed it to the side very carefully just below a satellite dish...and off he went to get the water..

    after a nice chat and stroke of the dog....the reason fred prefers people who pay online and are out.....fred went back and picked up the ladder and off he went...but....something caught the end of the ladder...

    oops...the satellite responder that sits outside the dish was er....hanging by the cables...:eek::eek::eek:,

    fred stared at it...hanging...and pondered surely the owner would be out in a minute to see what has happened to his tv signal....but he didnt....so fred went to see if he could put it back....he placed it on the arm it had broke off balanced it there as there was no way to get it to go back it was snapped....

    fred left it like that and shot around the back to think....where was his glue?....he had used it and not replaced it...fred was always finding broken things that needed glueing...:rolleyes:

    fred decided to search the pavements as he knew his posties always leave elastic bands everywhere...none around anywhere...typical...

    but fred couldnt help picking them up sometimes and so went to root around in his box in the boot....heyhey he found one red one....he stopped collecting them some time back as he found out they were not much good and seemed to snap too easy...but he had one...and up his ladder he shot and he stretched it out very carefully and it held the responder in place and it hooked over the spirit level bubble that was fitted...

    fred was really happy now as he got stuck into cleaning the windows.....if all went to plan....the elastic band would hold it until long after fred had gone....and it would break with a ping and the evidence would fly away and so it would just be an act of nature and the sun and age etc...

    but as fred cleaned he became worried that it wouldnt last long enough as it was kinda stretched..

    as he cleaned the bay window he tried not to stare at the owner and casually glanced to see his good luck...he wasnt watching the tv he was reading a magazine...

    fred finished and went to put his ladders on and stared at his handy work...but not happy he had a last root in his car glove box....and he found another golden elastic band....now with two on...surely it would last but...should fred go back and risk getting caught....yep fred went back and carefully stretched elastic band number two in place....and off he went....it was a nice bit of colour to the black dish anyway...yellow and red....but who looks at a dish anyway....

    all i can say is fred did suffer a lot of guilt that night.....and couldnt help but do a drive by to see if it was still there....and it was....but fred was long since gone so :itwasntme:

    okay fred will take some glue next time he goes...so fred wants some of that four minute mix up type strong glue for xmas:windowcleaner: who would have em...hes a rum bugg er that fred..

    extract from the book adventures of fred the windowcleaner available in 2015 from gavpublications..no content replicates the actions of anyone in real life and it is purely a book of fiction:rolleyes:
     
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  2. Tuffers

    Tuffers Hero
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    Post of the year goes to Fred, I mean Dave, I mean cnc :clap:
     
  3. Smurf

    Smurf Banned
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    I think he should change his name to frank :laugh:
     
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  4. cheapncheerful

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    yeh frank would be a good name....yep tuffers i did explain to the lady who gave me a cheque yesterday that david smith wasnt my name..:rolleyes: ahhh life you couldnt make it up.....can anyone smell cat :turd:?
     
  5. bazzer

    bazzer Active Member
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    cnc that is funny as **** hat off to you sir just had a right laugh at that :D
     
  6. cheapncheerful

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    we do have funny days sometimes....so what will happen to fred tomorrow..?thank fully its almost time for his festive hibernation get fatter period....
     
  7. Smurf

    Smurf Banned
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    I want to hear about his mate frank next time :D
     
  8. daveyboy

    daveyboy Legend
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    Fred has found a use for the extra sticky skittles in his boot i think
     
  9. cheapncheerful

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    oh bloomin heck why didnt i think of that daveyboy i mean fred think of that ..or his brother frank....who does a spot of windowcleaning too....
     
  10. andy w

    andy w Well-Known Member
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