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Jokes

mark m

Well-known member
Messages
6,090
Location
dorset
Lets get some good clean jokes on please --

A big row has broken out in the Irish Olympic Synchronised diving team after paddy accused mick of copying him

 
2 Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine ... both were rushed to hospital.... one`s in a korma the others got a dodgy tikka

 
I took two stuffed dogs to the antiques roadshow... They said these are very rare .Any idea what they would fetch if they were alive ?. I said Stick, you thick idiot.

 
I was getting chatted up by a bird in a club last ***ht .She said have you got a nick name ,I replied yes my friends call me sledge , is that because you`re` sleek and fast ?.No ....its because i get pulled by dogs .

 
The lynx effect really does work .I`ve just sprayed myself with lynx Africa and now i`m ruddy starving and covered in flies

 
100 Polish fans were arrested last ***ht for mindless violence in Warsaw.They were immediately deported back to England

 
A window-cleaner up in a cradle sees two blokes on the roof of the building. He goes up to ask what the problem is, and one says "Nothing. I was just going to have a quick fly around".

The window-cleaner expresses doubts, upon which the man stands up, flaps his arms, jumps off the roof and flies twice round the building.

"Wow!" says the window-cleaner. "Can you show me how to do that?"

"Just do what I did", replies the man.

So the window-cleaner stands up, flaps his arms, jumps... and crashes to his death 100 feet below.

The second man looks at the first man and says,

"You know, Gabriel - for an angel, you can be a real b*****d..."

 
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for Water?

Little Johnny: It's H2O

Teacher: Good! Can you tell me the chemical formula for ice?

Little Johnny: It's H2O cubed.

 
Sharon asks Johnny, "Will you still love me when I'm old and grey?"

Johnny replies, "Just love you? I shall admire you. I shall worship the very ground that you walk on. I shall...", then asks hesitantly, "you're not going to look like your mother, are you?"

 
I just got sacked from my job as a bingo caller last ***ht .Apparently " a meal for two with a hairy view " is unacceptable way to describe the number 69.

 
Have you been injured at work ?

Had a car accident ?

Fell over on a wet floor ?

Tripped on a uneven pavement ?

If so....

sort yourself out ,you clumsy man

 
Condoms don`t` guarantee safe sex anymore ...a friend of mine was wearing one when he was stabbed by the womens` husband

 
Lmao!

You know because of the economical financial situation with spain, they had to downgrade tenerife to fiverife

 
My budgie got out of the cage and shagged the dog .If you are interested i`ve got some puppies going cheap

 
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