New Enquires that make you chuckle

Here is a pick of the bunch,

How much do you charge, I am busy this week but thought you could call next week 

I live on ***** estate how much would it cost to be added to your rounds 

How much do you charge for windows and facials 

How much is it to have our windows cleaned 

I am looking for someone to clean my windows initially as a one-off but probably use again if I am happy with it  

The last one made me laugh the most ?



 

1: Hello we need our windows cleaning. Can you do this for free? We are a church. 

2: How much windows? 

3: Price

4: Address is xxxxxxxxx come and do my windows today before 2pm as I have to go to shops at 2. 

(Not a customer, never even quoted it) 

Cleaning a customers windows, my shirt says window cleaner, my van says window cleaner, and a woman asks me "do you clean windows"!!!!!

mike007 said:

Cleaning a customers windows, my shirt says window cleaner, my van says window cleaner, and a woman asks me "do you clean windows"!!!!!

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Ohh totally forgot that one..  get that a at least once a month.  A true classic. 

When we were trad on this one particular road the local drunk would wonder by singing 'when i'm cleaning windows'  

We changed to WFP  that month he walks up stops looks at the hoses across the roads and says 'bl00dy hell! Even the window cleaners have gone on line' 

We were in stitches! 

These are great guys ?

I like the odd text you just know are gonna be a waste of time where they can’t be bothered to spell/type properly like:

”Ow much do ya charge m8” 

Can I have my windows cleaned, is it okay if I pay you next week? 

How much to clean my windows? Is that per window? 

Had one the other day... by text...

I live in <road name> in a terraced house. I don't want a regular window cleaner just a one off and then as and when. I don't have a back gate and have had trouble finding a reliable window cleaner. How much?

Like a moron i replied saying a tenner...  This time i'll do the front windows first so the BP isn't full to the brim when i take it through the house... 

Tango said:

Had one the other day... by text...

I live in <road name> in a terraced house. I don't want a regular window cleaner just a one off and then as and when. I don't have a back gate and have had trouble finding a reliable window cleaner. How much?

Like a moron i replied saying a tenner...  This time i'll do the front windows first so the BP isn't full to the brim when i take it through the house... 

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You're going to think I'm beating you up mate but you've and a price that job by at least 30 quid

Trouble is mate it's a tiny place so 30 would see me lose it. I'd rather a tenner than nothing! 

Tango said:

Trouble is mate it's a tiny place so 30 would see me lose it. I'd rather a tenner than nothing! 

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Where you in Gloucester? Do you want to clean the inside of a conservatory in Ledbury? PM if so

Nope and nope lol. Thanks for the offer

We get a lot wanting one off cleans a common email or answer phone message is , “hi we are moving out on xxx day and would like you to clean the windows at 10am . Yeh right I don’t think so , we are busy with regular customers . 

To be honest I don't mind one offs... money is money and as i don't exactly have a whole load of repeat custom, i'll take whatever i can get*

*Gardens full of dog **** excluded although i did recently invest in 3 dinner plate brushes for 50p each or 3 for £1 plus disinfectant and surface cleanser spray..

Had one a few years ago on a row of terraces

”mate can you clean the front of no .. after you've finished on this one?”

Had a look - “£10 mate” 

“no worries my wife will be in once you’ve cleaned them give her a knock she’ll pay you” he then scuttles off up the street and round the corner. Looked a bit shifty.

knocked the door before cleaning. Lo & behold no answer. Ha ha ha. As if i’m that stupid?!

had one today - same thing...row of terraces, “can you clean the front of no ...”

had a look - “that’ll be £20”

”20 quid! Thats extortionate, i’m in the wrong game!, the last windy i flagged down asked for a tenner and i told him that was too much”

i said “look mate, they’re sash, a water fed pole alone will not do it, the ladder has to come off So that i can get a micro fibre in to all the grooves as the pole alone will do a naff job”

”will you do it for a tenner?”

”no sorry”

off he went.

had plenty more like them. Stick to your guns. These people are usually after a one off for the lowest rates possible.

I hear the phrase from other trades “some people know the cost of everything and the value of nothing”

i would re-word it “don’t know the cost of anything or the value of anything”

A lot of people decide to have sash windows installed, fair enough, when they try cleaning them themselves, then they’ll wish they hadn’t ?‍

Incheck said:

i said “look mate, they’re sash, a water fed pole alone will not do it, the ladder has to come off So that i can get a micro fibre into all the grooves as the pole alone will do a naff job”

A lot of people decide to have sash windows installed, fair enough, when they try cleaning them themselves, then they’ll wish they hadn’t ?‍

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Never had an issue with sash windows in over 11 years of wfp did a new job yesterday and they came up a treat 

This threat cracked me up.

I had a call the other week ''I've been told the council won't clean the windows so we have to get someone ourselves''. Out of curiosity I went and did a quote, priced it high to cover coming back to collect (After the first clean of course). She couldn't even remember her email address so GC was gonna be a big no. It was relatively well kept outside, glad I didn't have to go in though. Booked in for the following week, she replied to the reminder text ''Can we do a different day or week''... On the first clean ?‍??

Had a phone call a while ago, do you work Saturdays normally, I says no, not even for the first clean as access to the back is through the garage what about calling at 5.45 pm as I will be in from work by then, no again not a chance as its far to late in the day for me, but she kept trying to get me to call on her terms ?

Walk up...

How much mate, how much d'you charge?

They are a bit grubby as they've not been cleaned for 2 years as the last window cleaner just stopped coming! He only charged me 6 quid. 

It's a terraced house but you can go through the front door to the back garden. Don't mind the dogs, they won't bite unless you start waving a big stick around. 

That water coming out the end...yeah...they'll think that's a great game!

Sorry about the mess out the back but one of my dogs has a bad stomach. While you're there can just give those gutters a quick whip over, won't take you 2 minutes.

Can you do them next wednesday cause that's when I get paid, but I won't be in until I get back from the pub at lunchtime. 

I definitely want 'em done regular but we'll see how it goes!

Iron Giant said:

Had a phone call a while ago, do you work Saturdays normally, I says no, not even for the first clean as access to the back is through the garage what about calling at 5.45 pm as I will be in from work by then, no again not a chance as its far to late in the day for me, but she kept trying to get me to call on her terms ?

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Cust: It will have to be a Saturday so I'm home

Me: We don't do Saturdays

Cust: Oh, and I thought there was a recession on. 

Me: Perhaps there is in your industry.

Custy #2:  Can't you do it on Saturday as that's my day off? 

Me: Sorry we don't do weekends that's family time. 

Custy #2: can't you do that on another day? 

Green Pro Clean Ltd said:

Cust: It will have to be a Saturday so I'm home

Me: We don't do Saturdays

Cust: Oh, and I thought there was a recession on. 

Me: Perhaps there is in your industry.

Custy #2:  Can't you do it on Saturday as that's my day off? 

Me: Sorry we don't do weekends that's family time. 

Custy #2: can't you do that on another day? 

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I had one exactly the same but went a step further and even mentioned a sunday ?

This customer had their own thread back in April, still makes me laugh;

Caller: Hello is that the window cleaner

Me: Certainly is, how can I help

Caller: How much do you charge

Me: (In a jovial tone) Haha, that's a difficult question to answer without a little more information

Caller: So you're not going to give me a price

Me: Well I can't really unless I know what for

Caller: Well my windows of course

****Thinking i'm on fonejacker here****

Me: We have a guide price on the website but every property is different

Caller: I'll leave it then

Me: Ok, I think you'll have trouble getting prices if you don't tell people what type of house you live in. It could be a 2 bed semi, it could be a mansion for all I know

Caller: Oh, Ok, it's a coach house... Well half a coach house

Me: No problem, they often vary a lot from property to property so I would have to...

Caller: Not many windows

Me: Ok well....

Caller: And they're all low down so you don't need a tall ladder. Whats the cheapest you do.

Me: Like I say, I would need to see it but can offer a free quote. 2 bed properties start from £12.50 a month

Caller: So you won't do a one off?

Me: Yeah but we're booked up for about 9 weeks for one offs.

Caller: Forget it then ***Puts phone down***