a day in the life of cheapie...zzzzzzz

[cheapncheerful]

so cheapie left at 10.05am ...in the morning...very early for cheapie...10.11 at his first job....yep cheapie stays local...

on the drive, car doors open, money left, no one in and cheapie is happy as can be..../emoticons/biggrin.png

came around the front to see a real window cleaner with a real posh van ....yeh ...all cheapie had was his banana and his hose had been cut in half so ...he had to keep moving his back pack...but cheapie let on....and mentioned our marvelous forum...which he had been on...

its a good job he wasn't watching really as of course ....the pole hose hozelock connector came flying off....

so finished that one ..it had only come in to do this morning...he shot off miles in the opposite direction to keep a booked appointment...to cut a ladys bush...

yeh...cheapies lucky day ...she is always in but...hey the drive was empty ...he was up the ladder like a monkey and had the windows done in a flash...well she makes him do stuff.:devil:..no not that type of stuff...well inside the velux....and inside all the doors along the back..

the windows were nice and clean anyway as it was only a couple of weeks so cheapie happy ...windows stuff in car and out with his new gloves his blunt saw and edge clippers....and off he went....he was keeping very quiet as he didn't want next door to spot him as the ladies hedge was in between the two.

but as he came down the drive...that hedge looked a lot lot bigger than when cheapie had said twenty quid...

yeh another cheapncheerful ****** up...still he asked the bloke what height and double checked as once cut you can't stick it back and the lady told him how she wanted a nice rounded shape....yeh,..sure....

as she went off to get cheapie a cuppa he shot up his sixteen foot ladder....no the hedge wasn't quite that high but needs must ...so balanced against a mess of holly and clematis he got out his blunt saw and went mad.....yeah it wasn't as easy as cheapie had planned...

in his tiny brain he would just find the holly main stem cut through and as it went over the lot would follow...yeh...thats not what happened...it was such a mass of years of tangle that it just stayed put and laughed at cheapie...

lucky for cheapie the nice guy had buggered off and left him too it so he just sawed like a mad un at anything in sight...

not a good job at all...£20 my ****...eventually there was a sign cheapie was winning..so he shot onto next door to do her half whilst his cuppa cooled and started hacking away again...yep ..you can imagine the smile on his face as the other lady arrived.....oh....he just wanted to be left alone..so he went back to the other side for his tea...but not before she collared him....

canyoujuster....yep off she went...mend the gutter....push the bit of wood back on the eaves...what only two canyoujusters...?

so he went next door sipped on his tea and he popped out so cheapie said oh...i'm just off next door...backwards forwards....trying to dodge...

he mended the gutter and shoved the wood back and said it may need a screw in it in the future....yeh....five minutes later out with a screwdriver and screws she came....

by now cheapie was getting a bit peed off...time to go...other jobs to do....and the nice lady next door piped up would you like another cup of tea? yeh sure....can you make it more rounded...? yeh sure...

and then hubby came home to watch too.....and then nice lady said have you time to do the windows?...NO...cheapie said sorry but she would have to book it in as he had other jobs to do..

and whilst up in the eaves screwing the totally rotten piece of wood back...well it will last a couple of months...and he wasn't mentioning it as no doubt husband would find another piece of wood...and expect cheapie to cut it to size....

so of course the old biddy next door comes out ...oh are you doing my windows today..?

it's only two weeks since I did em.....so he said oh no he would have to come back....oh she said well don't come next week as I'm away .....well why the feck did she ask me to clean her windows when she's going away...? I give up..

lucky for cheapie nice ladies hubby had tidied up all the mess ...hes a nice one...

got my money and did a cheapie runner....never again to offer to do any gardening...

still I had been there two hours...and had £30 so not that bad seeing as I had totally underestimated the job as usual...

now shot off to do the other side of a house he had done the front of yesterday....he was a bit early

...so he looked at a house he had to do whom he thinks they are away....but the woman scares cheapie...and he can't get his money...and he knew the husband is still there...yeah leave that for tomorrow ...can't cope...

so off he went for five minutes as all the sawing had tired him out...yes he couldn't recline his seat because two barrels are wedged in the footwell...well he had to time it right as he knew this lady would leave shortly for school and he just wanted his cuppa and money...well he got his cuppa....she had no money...so he finished that and shot off to the next one....

she's a lovely old biddy and she had already told him she would be out....so he liked that ..it was only a fiver but no ladders needed..

as long as cheapie could sneak through the garage...she locks the gates...the garage was indeed open but the side door wasn't....

yeh doesn't stop cheapie when he's in a rush....straight through the window...and onto good old wheelie bin but he had better be fast as she may not like that idea...

he is fast with his 18 inch and his henry ford method....as in...soapy soapy soap em ...blade em...detail em....in large groups...and he's done and back through the garage window ...she's none the wiser....still got the leaded fronts...now cheapie wanted to wfp em but he was in a rush so he bladed em and started doing it the old fashioned way...oh feck that he ran back to the car...that's hard work...

not much water in his back pack but he was in a rush....yeah it ran out with a bay to go..they are all under a stupid sticky tree so they are really bad...so off back for more water...and nice fit lady from next door who always chats for ever came out to walk the dog..that was it...cheapies mad dash was well over...but she was very nice to look at...and cheapie liked a fit nice flirty lady ...:h:

an awful long time later he actually got back to finish the bay and of course the other leads were all nice shiny and dry now...yep that long....just banged off the bay and guess who comes up the drive...well at least he would get his fiver....but ..yep she wanted a nice chat too....oh I give up...

and still money waiting under a bin around the corner...but that one should have been done early...they could come back and catch cheapie in the act so to speak....and he doesn't like people...they chat too much....yeah one of those days...but its friday tomorrow...

believe me...the day was a lot worse than that..all sorts of things....like speeding down the country lane coming around a corner into a big traffic jam...a cement mixer trying to squeeze past a telecoms crew replacing a telegraph pole ...in the middle of nowhere....speeding along another lane and a tractor is pulling out to overtake a cyclist...so cheapie had to go in the ditch...you really don't know what it's like out here in the supposed to be quiet country...

in theory..a nice and easy day tomorrow...in theory...think theres only two left to do in my area to finish and a grass cut and cheapies home ...in theory...unless of course...someone wants a chat..[delusional]

 

[TolishAPurd]

so cheapie left at 10.05am ...in the morning...very early for cheapie...10.11 at his first job....yep cheapie stays local...
on the drive, car doors open, money left, no one in and cheapie is happy as can be..../emoticons/biggrin.png

came around the front to see a real window cleaner with a real posh van ....yeh ...all cheapie had was his banana and his hose had been cut in half so ...he had to keep moving his back pack...but cheapie let on....and mentioned our marvelous forum...which he had been on...

its a good job he wasn't watching really as of course ....the pole hose hozelock connector came flying off....

so finished that one ..it had only come in to do this morning...he shot off miles in the opposite direction to keep a booked appointment...to cut a ladys bush...

yeh...cheapies lucky day ...she is always in but...hey the drive was empty ...he was up the ladder like a monkey and had the windows done in a flash...well she makes him do stuff.:devil:..no not that type of stuff...well inside the velux....and inside all the doors along the back..

the windows were nice and clean anyway as it was only a couple of weeks so cheapie happy ...windows stuff in car and out with his new gloves his blunt saw and edge clippers....and off he went....he was keeping very quiet as he didn't want next door to spot him as the ladies hedge was in between the two.

but as he came down the drive...that hedge looked a lot lot bigger than when cheapie had said twenty quid...

yeh another cheapncheerful ****** up...still he asked the bloke what height and double checked as once cut you can't stick it back and the lady told him how she wanted a nice rounded shape....yeh,..sure....

as she went off to get cheapie a cuppa he shot up his sixteen foot ladder....no the hedge wasn't quite that high but needs must ...so balanced against a mess of holly and clematis he got out his blunt saw and went mad.....yeah it wasn't as easy as cheapie had planned...

in his tiny brain he would just find the holly main stem cut through and as it went over the lot would follow...yeh...thats not what happened...it was such a mass of years of tangle that it just stayed put and laughed at cheapie...

lucky for cheapie the nice guy had buggered off and left him too it so he just sawed like a mad un at anything in sight...

not a good job at all...£20 my ****...eventually there was a sign cheapie was winning..so he shot onto next door to do her half whilst his cuppa cooled and started hacking away again...yep ..you can imagine the smile on his face as the other lady arrived.....oh....he just wanted to be left alone..so he went back to the other side for his tea...but not before she collared him....

canyoujuster....yep off she went...mend the gutter....push the bit of wood back on the eaves...what only two canyoujusters...?

so he went next door sipped on his tea and he popped out so cheapie said oh...i'm just off next door...backwards forwards....trying to dodge...

he mended the gutter and shoved the wood back and said it may need a screw in it in the future....yeh....five minutes later out with a screwdriver and screws she came....

by now cheapie was getting a bit peed off...time to go...other jobs to do....and the nice lady next door piped up would you like another cup of tea? yeh sure....can you make it more rounded...? yeh sure...

and then hubby came home to watch too.....and then nice lady said have you time to do the windows?...NO...cheapie said sorry but she would have to book it in as he had other jobs to do..

and whilst up in the eaves screwing the totally rotten piece of wood back...well it will last a couple of months...and he wasn't mentioning it as no doubt husband would find another piece of wood...and expect cheapie to cut it to size....

so of course the old biddy next door comes out ...oh are you doing my windows today..?

it's only two weeks since I did em.....so he said oh no he would have to come back....oh she said well don't come next week as I'm away .....well why the feck did she ask me to clean her windows when she's going away...? I give up..

lucky for cheapie nice ladies hubby had tidied up all the mess ...hes a nice one...

got my money and did a cheapie runner....never again to offer to do any gardening...

still I had been there two hours...and had £30 so not that bad seeing as I had totally underestimated the job as usual...

now shot off to do the other side of a house he had done the front of yesterday....he was a bit early

...so he looked at a house he had to do whom he thinks they are away....but the woman scares cheapie...and he can't get his money...and he knew the husband is still there...yeah leave that for tomorrow ...can't cope...

so off he went for five minutes as all the sawing had tired him out...yes he couldn't recline his seat because two barrels are wedged in the footwell...well he had to time it right as he knew this lady would leave shortly for school and he just wanted his cuppa and money...well he got his cuppa....she had no money...so he finished that and shot off to the next one....

she's a lovely old biddy and she had already told him she would be out....so he liked that ..it was only a fiver but no ladders needed..

as long as cheapie could sneak through the garage...she locks the gates...the garage was indeed open but the side door wasn't....

yeh doesn't stop cheapie when he's in a rush....straight through the window...and onto good old wheelie bin but he had better be fast as she may not like that idea...

he is fast with his 18 inch and his henry ford method....as in...soapy soapy soap em ...blade em...detail em....in large groups...and he's done and back through the garage window ...she's none the wiser....still got the leaded fronts...now cheapie wanted to wfp em but he was in a rush so he bladed em and started doing it the old fashioned way...oh feck that he ran back to the car...that's hard work...

not much water in his back pack but he was in a rush....yeah it ran out with a bay to go..they are all under a stupid sticky tree so they are really bad...so off back for more water...and nice fit lady from next door who always chats for ever came out to walk the dog..that was it...cheapies mad dash was well over...but she was very nice to look at...and cheapie liked a fit nice flirty lady ...:h:

an awful long time later he actually got back to finish the bay and of course the other leads were all nice shiny and dry now...yep that long....just banged off the bay and guess who comes up the drive...well at least he would get his fiver....but ..yep she wanted a nice chat too....oh I give up...

and still money waiting under a bin around the corner...but that one should have been done early...they could come back and catch cheapie in the act so to speak....and he doesn't like people...they chat too much....yeah one of those days...but its friday tomorrow...

believe me...the day was a lot worse than that..all sorts of things....like speeding down the country lane coming around a corner into a big traffic jam...a cement mixer trying to squeeze past a telecoms crew replacing a telegraph pole ...in the middle of nowhere....speeding along another lane and a tractor is pulling out to overtake a cyclist...so cheapie had to go in the ditch...you really don't know what it's like out here in the supposed to be quiet country...

in theory..a nice and easy day tomorrow...in theory...think theres only two left to do in my area to finish and a grass cut and cheapies home ...in theory...unless of course...someone wants a chat..[delusional]

I put this post through a document word counter...1470 words. Sorry cheap, but I think I'll just read this one later.

j/k

 

[cheapncheerful]

yeh its to send tuffers to sleep bless him:rofl:

 

[Tuffers]

Night night Dave /emoticons/biggrin.png

 

[Dave B]

Bloody hell i was clean shaven when i started reading that..where's me razor i need to get rid of this beard

 

[Jake]

Crikey cheap that was a marathon!

Feel your pain, that hedge and the extra job must of driven you up the wall!!

Prove higher, you deserve it! Don't be scared of the higher prices!!!!

 

[cheapncheerful]

odd jobs like that are rare but if they come my way in future the price will defo be higher..

gonna bookmark this page just to remind me of the hassle in the future../emoticons/biggrin.png

now do you think mrs j will remember to mither me about painting her fence panels...

told her £!5 per hour she supplies everything but really cant be ar sed...mind you...if she keeps topping up the wine glass...

ahh thats mondays problem../emoticons/biggrin.png

 

[Ant]

That was epic cheap! When's the sequel out? /emoticons/wink.png

 

[Dave B]

Don't encourage him @Ant

 

[cheapncheerful]

now maybe could do a day a month...

but it certainly wont be a sat or sun....

as cheapie dont move off his harris.../emoticons/biggrin.png

 

[Ant]

Sorry @daveyboy1 he's a very entertaining chap! Although I haven't been on the forum for long so maybe the novelty hasn't worn off yet /emoticons/wink.png

Only joking cheap! Run with it, I like your tales /emoticons/smile.png

 

[Dave B]

It's always a good bedtime read eh tuffers

 

[cheapncheerful]

oh sugar here comes the dragon time for bed zzzzzzz its staring at me...

well not long til saturday morning...8,40am...

and a bacon butty at 8,41:rofl:

 

[cheapncheerful]

well this post has now disappeared so its safe to add another day../emoticons/biggrin.png

so cheapie had a nice easy day planned but ....a job by text a million miles through heavy traffic...well okay...cheapie is prone to exaggeration...especially when looking down below...diwrnach...

so he sets off into the sun...

car on the drive but...cheapie knows the custy....not in and off he goes with his lifelong friend banana...yeh ...not so much a friend at the mo...the reason, he is well naffed..

the reason for the call is our friends the spider's...been really bad at the mo...webs everywhere...and looks like cheapie not been for ages...but still banana will sort em...if of course banana works...

yeh five minutes in and he's off spinning like a good un...round and round...cheapie has sussed that bar steward tolish has nicely played a prank by breaking into cheapies car and stealing a section of his pole and leaving a clamp extra to puzzle poor cheapie...

yeh post the picture later...as cheapie lost..

oh cheapie is perplexed...

anyway....his banana is fecked truly dead...but he soldiered on as you do....banged his online note in and headed back into heavy traffic...yep schools finish at 12 and cheapie stuck ...well hmmm....miles in heavy traffic for a tenner...hmmmm

but normally it does arrive when he's in the area...not this time so hes at a loss but..ya know ...its a shi te week so what the heck...

yes ...cheapie wanted to tighten up his clamps...to stop the brush spinning ..now he carries an allen key in his central pocket just for that reason but ...er...it's not there...he seems to remember...tightening up the clamps and flinging it into the car..or...somewhere...and cheapie hates wasting time ..but its fecked off somewhere never to be seen again...so homeward bound he goes..

oh yep the wife found him one that fitted straight away...but that wasn't cheapies pole problem...its that missing section...yeh ..cheapie is lost too...

anyway the cheapie show must go on and through the traffic he fights as the traffic is indeed right on top of his work...

but he wants to finish...its friday...and therefore the weekend...ish...

so he sneaks up on one to do thinking they must be away...cause the car aint moved and curtains drawn but...at the last minute...cheapie spies her working on her laptop in the kitchen...ahhh so not away after all...so yep ..he does a runner..well...she is kinda of ..er....not easy to get the money off...well some people aren't...as Im sure you know...

yep I did indeed bin her but.....her new hubby type partner is a great guy...he pays...but ...yeah he's not doing it when she is in..

so off to the next one...but banana is well fecked...so he does the dangerous ones and loses his temper and slings all that new fangled water fed malarky back in his car it can feck off....for a while anyway....

so back in his trad gear off he sets...but he does want to try a new trick he got off daveyboy....and that is his trad pole ..well its not exactly a proper trad pole...its more of a ..er...left over ...knackered old thing that cheapie don't know what to do with but...you can put a blade or applicator on the end ...well okay..it spins around like a good un but it kinda works...

and off he sets...to clean next to ....a er pop star ...who has gone, with curly hair ...who cheapie did type a paragraph about but with hindsight he deleted as you do cause...he would be scared of putting anything which may appear ...derogatory about anyone as you have to be very pc these days...but ...it was funny honest...maybe if you pm me...

its all made up its the matrix so Im okay.

.well it was a pop star called frank...

so instead of laying his ladder horizontall on the ground against the wall and walking along it to clean the bay...he used his trad pole...but...as he soaped up four tops and bladed the first the feckin weather dried up the other three...yeh funny..

and bibety bib...in the traffic...wifey on her way to work...

funny enough...as cheapie ventured up the roof valley of the house next door to a minted pop star..who of course has long since done a runner...he looked at the tile that he didn't break and it was mended...well he doesn't think he broke it but he's not so sure...anyway..its mended now and as he stretched from the valley to stand on the tiles protected by the lead as he normally does and he looks in the window..well I think I HAD better not mention cause...ya never know ...

well all I can say is if you're a teen and you lived next door to er. someone who er, made it slightly big and basically you were doing the same but you were never discovered well life is funny ...no he wasn't doing what some teenage boys do....from my memory...

well okay ..cheapie did say life is funny ..and it involves an electric guitar...but ..yep life is funny for sure..

yeh cheapie talking in code for a reason...

mind you three meals a day and tele and playstation and access to facebook...no stress no council tax no neighbours to er..chat..AND ...ER..NO WIFE..hmmmm lemme think..

well suppose you do get some neighbours...oh life is funny ...

and so to the quiet house..no one in cheapie happy..but his blade not playing and spiders everywhere...and a fit, tight jeaned woman in a nice tight white top ....oh er..sorry thats er ..cheapies private thoughts...was washing a car...

yep cheapie off home friday...wife off for ages ..no early rises...feck the world he's on his drive and happy ish...

so he checks his texts...

well the funny thing is...yeah told you life is funny...someone text cheapie to say his money is under the bin...now he looked and the person was in but he has had enough of chatting as you know, so he went straight to the bin..

oh for fecks sake ...six bins....which colour cheapie...first bin nowt...second bin nowt...okay...lets try bin no six...five ...four..oh feck maybe as she's in....

so knockity knock...oh hi ...come on in...chatterty chat....here is your money..including a £2 tip...yeh shes a keeper...

and cheapie heads home and on to his drive...so as he checks his texts..

yeh it wasn't her who had texted him money under the bin it was someone else...they mentioned a garage and she doesn't have one....oh for fecks sake...well he had to go and get it....so off he shot ...into the nightmare traffic...

well he did know the back roads after all ...and so do these posh sat navs...

so off he charged feckin really really annoyed....

so does he go in the station car park...no he can't walk that far ..so into the swan pub car park.....er....straight into the traffic four cars away from the entrance....and a ten minute wait because its four way lights...yes...there's no one working of course...

although he does find out later that its a two quid charge in the railway station car park now...so maybe a good decision

so parked up he goes and gets his money ..well to be fair...he got his full £7...yippee...last few times he had er..got ..er..£6.50 left despite leaving £7 on his bill following his management team advice re the fifty pence...ta tolish ..er....I mean someone out there...

mind you...cheapie reckons there away and who ever is looking after the house left the money so...will he get it next time?

and so cheapie parked in a pub car park...well its friday too...and for fecks sake it's been a bad week...yeah he shot in and just said ...give me a pint....what of ....anything....yep...nice landlady or barmaid she duly obliged.....seconds later as that hit the back of his throat cheapie was in a lot better mood...

of course he only had one ...as you do.....feck me HE's already in enough trouble with the law...no I didn't say it was harry I said it was a fictitious pop star who made it big...oh its all the matrix after all...

yeh he only had one...its called er...oh feck just a sec...er...t something or other...t...er.but whatever...it was at a cheapie price...£2.08

I MEAN...what can you get for that at 4.5 ...yeh lovely jubbly...cheapies new local...if he can remember what it's called..

now just waiting for the lawyers to ring....

holiday time ish....yeh booked up all next week...well not friday so far....maybe ...time to walk to the pub...I mean £2.08 a pint...cheapie heaven.:rofl:

 

[Dave B]

Last day at school for 6 weeks for the wife (she's a teacher..I'm not a wrongun marrying schoolkids lol)

She got a few bottles of wine and choccies off the kids

Pity she don't drink wine

Plus there's 3 bottles of red....mmmm

Guess what I'm doing

Well I've been to the gym so now time to ruin it

 

[cheapncheerful]

it does feel funny this day...even though I have no school kids...its like a long holiday.

now dont forget I must be back in this area the first week of september....okay I do my monthly work then so the second week...

just post cheapie...dog bite..and I will remember...:rofl:

wifey is watching eastenders....

with her eyes closed...hmmmmmm

yeh feck all happens so she not missing owt..:rofl:

if I wake her she will say..but...Im not asleep...women...

mind you saturday tomorrow...:thumbsup:

 

[cheapncheerful]

er help whats up with banana...better pic tomorrow bond is on ..never say never...

View attachment 4963

that top clamp is just floating ...

and the other lower clamp doesnt clamp the top section...oh dont give cheapie glue what has he done.?

is this the end...is banana dead...?

 

[Alien Human]

er help whats up with banana...better pic tomorrow bond is on ..never say never.../emoticons/biggrin.png
View attachment 7369

that top clamp is just floating ...

and the other lower clamp doesnt clamp the top section...oh dont give cheapie glue what has he done.?

is this the end...is banana dead...?

Might be a daft question cheap but do the clamps have all the necessary pieces : bolts, screws, springs etc ?

And I saw this and thought of you. This is apparently a globally sold product!!!!! It does look fun though:

http://bananaproducts.com

 

[Tuffers]

Crackers Dave crackers /emoticons/biggrin.png

 

[cheapncheerful]

i am glad to say banana is alive and kicking well...almost...

now come on great members of this great forum..

where the feck are you hiding replacement pole clamps....I cant find em anywhere and the bottom clamp on banana is fecked for good...why?

well i fully extended it and it was actually over extended and so all the weight of the pole was on that clamp...snap....

its 38mm surely they sell em somewhere...not fussed what make pole it comes off ...

but seldom use the base section so all nice and ready for work soon...I found the missing section hiding inside..../emoticons/biggrin.png

yeh alien I do want some wet area signs and they do look cool....off shopping...

 

[cheapncheerful]

now hopefully this post is well and truly slipped down the post list so cheapie can post his weekend activities....

cheapie does his duty...

yes cheapie as you know hates to leave his chair at the weekend...as he looked in the bathroom mirror..he did indeed note not a part of his poor old battered body didn't have a cut or mark on it and so he needs to rest it to recover it.

and ...to keep this window cleaning post alive...with a warning for all traders beware...cause cheapie has bashed his ladder down somewhere ..he isn't kind to his tools....and this had resulted in very sharp raised points which on his way up the ladder had nicely sliced into his palm and because he's a bit slow this happened twice before it dawned on him what had happened and he took off the sharp bits with his keys....well you have to improvise in the field...

but on cheapies mind was his weekend duties...one daughter left on wednesday and another floats back on friday...the one soon to become a mrs....so saturday he had to get out of his chair and washed and take them for a meal...and he had to visit his favorite wetherspoons....which he had crossed off his list of pubs because they kept missing bits from his meals...well he can't really complain because he saw the eminem mc donalds video...

the new pub he used the week before was a, wait an hour for food pub that served plastic turkey and so that was crossed off his list.

.but he was going to write to Tim and say about his pub not being up to standard...cheapie has always like spoons..

anyway ...cheapie has his suspicion. that management has been changed and cheapie is now happy to report that the penny black in northwich is now officially back on his list..fast food serve and all there...and chicken and ribs combo ...cheapies choice..

although it does his head in to see....the bottom windows inside the easy ones to reach arent cleaned but the harder ones above are...grrrrr.tempted to take my blade...wouldnt take me long....

and then off to see the folks and sat in the garden at seven was really hot....so saturday was great...

but sunday...well...he had to go to church....now the only church that cheapie likes serves pints and this one only serves wine..

yep cheapie had to get all posh and go to church....its a special place I will give you that..as you walk through the doors no matter what your thoughts on religion....it has a special feel...

it was surprisingly entertaining...the vicar was a scream,reminding cheapie of the great bruce forsyth but without the chin...and some great characters to see...including the compulsory one that gets carried away rocking ...but hey ..thats not a criticism just cause cheapie loves his chair and remote ...each to there own..

cheapie was on his best behaviour as the in laws were there...so shhh cheapie...keep mouthy under control....but cheapie cheered up with his view of the milf in front.....until...well..this sums it up....

porkys shower scene...ya know the bit where miss ballbreaker gets in the way..

yep some old biddy stood in the way of my view...drat...still the vicar was funny ..but cheapies duty day was about to go drastically down the pan..

ya see cheapie likes his own company...and of course he tolerates his missus...but he's not a social animal...and..church life is a very sociable...

it came to the blood of christ but....well in his youth cheapie did attend church, so there...and he actually used to love his wafer and especially the wine but now he was a bit more grown up...

well I'm SURE...that all attending are nice and clean living people but the thought of drinking from that goblet that everyone is er...drinking from ...well...Im sure that no saliva slips back in...I'm sure...but ..er...not sure enough to want to drink from it....yes she did wipe it with some manky cloth but...er...

but daughter had said he didn't have to get up so he was happy hidden away at his pre chose spot on the end of the pew with no one next to him but the wife...well he can tolerate her for short times...occasionally...

and so poor cheapie suddenly realised the in laws had joined the que and he was expected to as well....

he stood there in line awaiting his fate behind his daughter well he couldn't back down.....but...at the last minute..daughter was heard to say....just the blessing thankyou....and cheapie was safe....yes the daughter had said she wasn't too happy about drinking from that goblet either so its not just cheapie....now mr vicar person...or bishoppy at the top...if you had a sacred bottle of blessed wine and poured it out into small cups cheapie would happily join in....

okay all cheapie could think of was del boy but that's cheapie for you...

anyway cheapie had escaped or had he...you see...he is a germaphobe....he doesn't like touching things of high use or indeed anything that looks remotely dodgy...yeah he's great fun doing his daily ablutions on a recent camping trip...

well of course he put toilet paper on the seat...and okay he couldn't go because it was too quiet in there...mr campsite owner...radios are very cheap....

and it was quite funny as he tried not to touch anything in the shower....er..well ...his wife gave him a bucket with all the cleaning stuff in it and cheapie had everything he needed to get clean in this converted cow shed....except...

yes she didnt give him a towel...it's a good job it was a hot weekend...so cheapie improvised with his t shirt...

anyway back to his church visit....well they er...well...shake hands...and they keep shaking hands...so cheapie kept in his mind that his right hand was now contaminated with everyone's germies...I'm sure they're all very clean germies but..there not cheapies germies..

so he was to be seen rubbing his right hand a lot against his clothes as he sang away blah blah blah well no one actually sings the real words do they? and anyway he had already thought next time he will just bring some of the alcohol wipes in his pocket ...

yes when they sing hymns they er..clap....yeah now the left hand was contaminated too and now....he was getting itches on his face...out of nowhere

...and as he looked at the last person to shake his hand she was busy with a handkerchief ....so he was to be seen wiping his itches with his sleeve..

but he did enjoy his church visit really...he felt good as he walked away ...its just a feeling you get from church...and yes he even had a great cuppa tea and talked with the vicar...he was a really nice vicar...but it has to be noted....well cheapie did spot how he knocked all the remaining wine down...and he did like his cakes....and yet ...despite knocking back all that er...nice clean wine he had the rosiest healthiest looking complexion out there...

which reminded cheapie of one of his favourite authors...james herriot...in one of his books he describes how he had to visit the abattoir....and he arrived at dinner time to see the owner spattered with the blood of many animals sat on the carcasses eating his sandwiches with his kids....and he duly noted...they were never off school never ill and neither was the owner...point taken...but you're still not getting cheapie to drink from that goblet..well not being funny but the vicar is used to doing it and I'm not...

well that was cheapies duty done.....FOR NOW....but hopefully next time there is no shaking hand.s...

and to make sure this has some relation to window cleaning....I do indeed carry a window cleaning warning...

cuppa teas are great but...they can be deadly....I had one on thursday and by the afternoon I could feel my throat going....and I couldn't get back ...everyone was chatty chatty and all cheapie could think was this is it ...a cold is coming...I've had it...so I got home and reached for my first defence.

..yep I order five at a time....and squirty squirty I fought back...it's still knocking about now but it's going...and my first defence is back in the car..

sleep yet tuffers...:rofl: