Tuffers
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So, I get up this morning and look outside to see the road all iced over 
. Oh bugger I didn't put a heater in my van last night . Luckily my system wasn't frozen /emoticons/smile.png. The first job was a window cleaning job the other side of town. I know, I'll find a short cut. Only to hit a tail back , bloody lorry off loading parked on the wrong side of the road. I know, I'll take another short cut, only to hit a twisty side road that was sheet ice. Eventually I get to the first job. A cup of tea and payment, happy days /emoticons/smile.png. Onto my second job, another window cleaning job, big house, gate left open for me, payment is always made by BACS same day, happy days. Soooo, onto my third job, a gutter clear, now I'm pretty sure I know the road, errr, no I don't. So I get my phone out to get the Satnav up on it, no freekin service argh. I bit of driving around on more icy roads and I find it, frig, nowhere to park as builders were ripping the paths up . Get parked and get offered another cup of tea, lovely jubbly /emoticons/smile.png. Clear the gutter and she asks if I clean the outsides, yeah I do but it will cost a bit more. Ok leave it for now she says. Get paid and onto job number four, a gutter job. Holy moly there's trees growing out of the gutters , I'd quoted by looking at Google maps. Out comes the gutter vac and surprisingly it's sucking all the :turd: out. A neighbour had been watching me and came over to have a look at my kit. Have you got a card mate, yeah sure I say. I work for a drainage firm and we're always getting gutter jobs, I can send some your way if you like. Cheers mate :thumbsup:. Get all the :turd: out and get paid along with another cuppa /emoticons/smile.png. Onto job number five. This job was quoted via Google too, the bloke is profoundly deaf so we had to communicate via email. In his mails he was going on about algae coming from a gutter and to clean it. He was to leave the money with next door and she would point out what needed cleaning. I rock up on the drive and the gutter looks clean I knock on next door and ask what to clean. Ooh, here's a lot of green stuff on the wall, maybe clean that she says. I'm like WTF, I don't clean brickwork . So I get a concoction of chems and spray the green stuff, get an old brush and scrub like a loon at it. Spent 30 minutes on it and it came up a lighter shade of green. Knock on next door and tell her I've done my best, but I dont advertise cleaning brickwork. Ooh, I wonder if he meant cleaning out the gutter instead /emoticons/sad.png she says. I'm thinking **** this for a game of soldiers I'm off /emoticons/biggrin.png. She pays me and offers me a cuppa. I decline the cuppa as I'm now bosting for a wazz. Where the frig do I go for a wazz me thinks. I know, I'll go to the park and have a wazz in the car park. Oh bugger, there's a height restriction gate at the entrance. I'm crossing my legs by this time. I drive towards job number six, as I'm driving I get a lightbulb moment, I'll have a wazz in the quiet corner of the carpark at the garden centre. Pull in open door and there's some dopey worker folding cardboard boxes up watching me. Oh :turd:, so I close the door and drive off. Get to job number six, a window clean on a big house, nice quick job, no cuppa but I had a wazz :thumbsup:. Phone goes, hello are you the window cleaner. Yes. I get a alert. Are you being able to clean windows on Sunday? No. Are you being able to clean windows after 5:30 on Saturday? No. **** off! Phone goes, are you still coming to clear my gutters? Yes give me fifteen minutes. Get there and spend twice as long as I'd expected to. Woman pops her head out when I'm on the last bit and says im just popping out for twenty minutes, see you in a bit. Bbbbbut what about my money /emoticons/sad.png, too late she was off. Soooo, half hour goes by and no sign of her, 45 minutes later she pulls up and pays me. Her flowers are now covered in a new type of manure, :turd: out of her gutters, served her right /emoticons/tongue.png. Get an email just as I'm pulling away and it's from the care home company saying my money was ready to pick up. Whoopy doo, off I head 7 miles up the road for my payment for cleaning 4 care homes. Get there and they haven't got my money . I'm still sat in wet clothes writing this at 6:20. How sad am I! Oh well it's Saturday tomorrow and only one gutter job and one window clean job to do, what could possibly go wrong?
. Oh bugger I didn't put a heater in my van last night . Luckily my system wasn't frozen /emoticons/smile.png. The first job was a window cleaning job the other side of town. I know, I'll find a short cut. Only to hit a tail back , bloody lorry off loading parked on the wrong side of the road. I know, I'll take another short cut, only to hit a twisty side road that was sheet ice. Eventually I get to the first job. A cup of tea and payment, happy days /emoticons/smile.png. Onto my second job, another window cleaning job, big house, gate left open for me, payment is always made by BACS same day, happy days. Soooo, onto my third job, a gutter clear, now I'm pretty sure I know the road, errr, no I don't. So I get my phone out to get the Satnav up on it, no freekin service argh. I bit of driving around on more icy roads and I find it, frig, nowhere to park as builders were ripping the paths up . Get parked and get offered another cup of tea, lovely jubbly /emoticons/smile.png. Clear the gutter and she asks if I clean the outsides, yeah I do but it will cost a bit more. Ok leave it for now she says. Get paid and onto job number four, a gutter job. Holy moly there's trees growing out of the gutters , I'd quoted by looking at Google maps. Out comes the gutter vac and surprisingly it's sucking all the :turd: out. A neighbour had been watching me and came over to have a look at my kit. Have you got a card mate, yeah sure I say. I work for a drainage firm and we're always getting gutter jobs, I can send some your way if you like. Cheers mate :thumbsup:. Get all the :turd: out and get paid along with another cuppa /emoticons/smile.png. Onto job number five. This job was quoted via Google too, the bloke is profoundly deaf so we had to communicate via email. In his mails he was going on about algae coming from a gutter and to clean it. He was to leave the money with next door and she would point out what needed cleaning. I rock up on the drive and the gutter looks clean I knock on next door and ask what to clean. Ooh, here's a lot of green stuff on the wall, maybe clean that she says. I'm like WTF, I don't clean brickwork . So I get a concoction of chems and spray the green stuff, get an old brush and scrub like a loon at it. Spent 30 minutes on it and it came up a lighter shade of green. Knock on next door and tell her I've done my best, but I dont advertise cleaning brickwork. Ooh, I wonder if he meant cleaning out the gutter instead /emoticons/sad.png she says. I'm thinking **** this for a game of soldiers I'm off /emoticons/biggrin.png. She pays me and offers me a cuppa. I decline the cuppa as I'm now bosting for a wazz. Where the frig do I go for a wazz me thinks. I know, I'll go to the park and have a wazz in the car park. Oh bugger, there's a height restriction gate at the entrance. I'm crossing my legs by this time. I drive towards job number six, as I'm driving I get a lightbulb moment, I'll have a wazz in the quiet corner of the carpark at the garden centre. Pull in open door and there's some dopey worker folding cardboard boxes up watching me. Oh :turd:, so I close the door and drive off. Get to job number six, a window clean on a big house, nice quick job, no cuppa but I had a wazz :thumbsup:. Phone goes, hello are you the window cleaner. Yes. I get a alert. Are you being able to clean windows on Sunday? No. Are you being able to clean windows after 5:30 on Saturday? No. **** off! Phone goes, are you still coming to clear my gutters? Yes give me fifteen minutes. Get there and spend twice as long as I'd expected to. Woman pops her head out when I'm on the last bit and says im just popping out for twenty minutes, see you in a bit. Bbbbbut what about my money /emoticons/sad.png, too late she was off. Soooo, half hour goes by and no sign of her, 45 minutes later she pulls up and pays me. Her flowers are now covered in a new type of manure, :turd: out of her gutters, served her right /emoticons/tongue.png. Get an email just as I'm pulling away and it's from the care home company saying my money was ready to pick up. Whoopy doo, off I head 7 miles up the road for my payment for cleaning 4 care homes. Get there and they haven't got my money . I'm still sat in wet clothes writing this at 6:20. How sad am I! Oh well it's Saturday tomorrow and only one gutter job and one window clean job to do, what could possibly go wrong? 
