Just for a Larf...

[Bingo]

Five blokes in an Audi Quattro arrived at the ferry checkpoint in Ireland.

Paddy, so proud in his brand new uniform, stops them and tells them:

"I can't let you on the ferry. It is illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro. Quattro means four. One of you will have to get out and stay behind."

"Quattro is just the name of the car," the driver replies disbelievingly. "Look at the papers, this car is designed to carry five people."

"You can’t pull that one on me, this is Paddy you're talking to here," he replies with a smile.

"Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law. So I can't let you onto the ferry. It's more than my job's worth to let you all on."

The driver is now very cross and replies angrily, "I've had enough of you, call your Supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

"I'm sorry," responds Paddy, "but Murphy the Supervisor is busy dealing with those two blokes in the Fiat Uno."

 

[steve garwood]

Glad Switzerland are through to the finals of the euros. I like their flag, which is a big plus

 

[till]

What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay £60 for lentil on my chest!

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[till]

An English man walks into a bar.

Hold on at this point in the joke there should be a Welshman Scotsman and an irishman .

Oh but there still in the rugby world cup.

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[Dave B]

View attachment 5500

 

[cheapncheerful]

What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?I wouldn't pay £60 for lentil on my chest!

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had to ask the wifey to help me understand it and she feckin did...

 

[cheapncheerful]

An English man walks into a bar.Hold on at this point in the joke there should be a Welshman Scotsman and an irishman .

Oh but there still in the rugby world cup.

Sent from my GT-I9195 using Tapatalk

even wifey liked that one...

 

[Dave B]

Two homosexual Scotsmen.....Ben Doon and Phill McCrevis .

2 homosexual irish men

Patrick fitzgerald and gerald fitzpatrick

 

[cheapncheerful]

nah it twas his brother phil mc avity :rofl:

 

[till]

Husband is walking behind his wife and says "you're bum is so big it looks like an old washing machine "

Later on in the evening he starts to get amarous with his wife and she says "I'm not starting up the washing machine for such a small load. You will have to do it by hand. "

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[till]

The Coca Cola factory in Dublin. Have just found 15 new employees

The Irish rugby team.

They are good at bottling it !

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[steve garwood]

Playing golf the other day, and my mate slices one into long grass. You've lost that I said. Oh yeh, watch this he replies, and then presses a button on a fob. His ball starts to beep and he retrieves it. He then hits one into some dark woods. Well thats a gonna, I say. He presses a different button and the ball starts to glow and flash and he retreives it. That's bloody fantastic I say, I have to get one. Where did you get it? He replies, I found it

 

[steve garwood]

I'm having moose pate for lunch today. Start spreading gnu's

 

[Dave B]

How do you keep an idiot in suspense??

 

[steve garwood]

All this talk about Michael j fox reminds me that I see him in the garden centre yesterday. Well I think it was him, but he had his back to the fushias

 

[Green Pro Clean Ltd]

I was going to quit window cleaning and become an Undertaker but my mom says it's a dying business.

 

[Green Pro Clean Ltd]

I used to work at a sewage plant, that was a s**t job.

 

[Green Pro Clean Ltd]

After that I was on the bin wagons for a while, load of rubbish in my opinion.

 

[Green Pro Clean Ltd]

I did do a stint as an apprentice service engineer for a lift company but the work was up and down.

 

[Green Pro Clean Ltd]

Tried to start my own cattle breeding business but couldn't handle the bull.

 

[Green Pro Clean Ltd]

My last boss asked me 'whos the stupid one in the factory?' I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.