Funny drunk stories?

[Fairy]

Anyone got a funny drunk story to cheer me up? /emoticons/biggrin.png

 

[cheapncheerful]

sober as a judge me...judge taytay that is..

 

[Natty1972]

Many moons ago I got that drunk I was taken home in a car boot ,,, don't think this is funny enough :sad:

 

[TolishAPurd]

After a night on the pop I bought a burger from a petrol station which they microwaved for me. I took a bite and it was cooked on the outside and frozen in the middle. As I was smashed I just carried on eating it whilst walking home. Only problem is that about half a mile to go, the burger went straight through me and I ended up sh!tting myself. That last half mile seemed like a lifetime.

 

[Fairy]

After a night on the pop I bought a burger from a petrol station which they microwaved for me. I took a bite and it was cooked on the outside and frozen in the middle. As I was smashed I just carried on eating it whilst walking home. Only problem is that about half a mile to go, the burger went straight through me and I ended up sh!tting myself. That last half mile seemed like a lifetime.

Hahahahahaah, thats so funny.

once I was so drunk and frustrated that the line for the bus back to campus was so long. So I hooked arms with a random black kid and kept screaming “let Obama through!”as i pushed through the crowd. he didnt appreaciate that and neither did his mates, I got beaten up for it, but it was worth it.

 

[TolishAPurd]

Hahahahahaah, thats so funny.
once I was so drunk and frustrated that the line for the bus back to campus was so long. So I hooked arms with a random black kid and kept screaming “let Obama through!”as i pushed through the crowd. he didnt appreaciate that and neither did his mates, I got beaten up for it, but it was worth it.

Lol, thats the sort of stunt I used to have the guts to pull when I was younger. Quality.:laugh:

 

[Fairy]

Or once I got so drunk, I got back from a house party and started to order stuff from Amazon. the next week I got myself a brand new shovel, christmas lights ( July ) some plastic flowers and chocolate coins.. useless

 

[Anthony @ SCS]

Playing 'March of the Flaming Arseholes'

It's an initiation my platoon used to do to new guys but everyone always ended up getting involved. You get 2 meters of bog roll and twist it to give it some strength ......... you then drop your trousers to your ankles ....... clinch one end of the 2 meter length of bog roll in your butt cheeks ...... someone lights the other end and you have to run (shuffle) as fast as you can from point A to point B before burning your **** .......... no one ever made it

 

[Shiny]

Playing 'March of the Flaming Arseholes'
It's an initiation my platoon used to do to new guys but everyone always ended up getting involved. You get 2 meters of bog roll and twist it to give it some strength ......... you then drop your trousers to your ankles ....... clinch one end of the 2 meter length of bog roll in your butt cheeks ...... someone lights the other end and you have to run (shuffle) as fast as you can from point A to point B before burning your **** .......... no one ever made it

We had a different name for that one we called it "dance of the flaming arseholes"...lol

 

[Dave B]

My wife came home one night years ago to find me covered in mud spark out on the front room floor with my boots perfecly placed next to me and 2 random wing mirrors in my pockets

 

[Dave B]

I have done other stupid things when mixing drinks

Now it's beer or spirits not both

Saves mrs wanting a divorce

 

[Shiny]

Well there,s been a few ....especially from the younger days, the one that as always stuck in the mind though is the night of my eighteenth...not that I remember much of that night ...but of what happened the next day and then the missing bits filled in from my mates....

So my eighteenth was a Friday, out for 7 ish with the lads round town, can't honestly say I remember much after that...lol, it was when I woke up sometime on the Saturday.....room a complete tip...first thing that greets me foot as I roll out of bed was a nice little dock side pizza, anyway as I start to come round and pick me clothes up from the floor....I notice the biggest hole in the **** of me best jeans, not just an hole but scorched...!! want till I met up with the lads later and had the debrief I found out that when we left the last club 2 mates were carrying me out...outside the 2 of em had let go of me to go talk to a couple of birds next thing I ,d fallen flat on me back onto the road and egnited a full box of matches in my back pocket....lol...me mates said one minute I was stood there...next thing I was flat on me back with smoke bellowing round me and everybody stood round p!ssing themselves trying to get me up and put the flames out....all true apparently...! don't remember any of it just know me best jeans were ruined....lol

It was a very very long time ago though....1979 in fact

 

[Tuffers]

Many moons ago I got that drunk I was taken home in a car boot ,,, don't think this is funny enough :sad:

50p ?

 

[Tuffers]

I've got loads, but this one springs to mind. A load of us went to a play off final at the millennium stadium probably 10 years or so ago. We decided that we would do a weekend of it, so we booked a hotel in Weston. The day started well, we all met at the train station and headed to the bar before the train arrived. Half cut we get off the train, only for my mate to leave his phone on the train. Oh **** I've left me phone on the train he spouts. Anyway, a bird was holding it out of the window as the train was pulling out the station and muggins chased after it and managed to grab it off her. Phone back with mate we go and find our digs and all meet up for a few afternoon beers. We then decided to go and buy a football and head for the beach. On getting to the beach another load of lads from the team we were playing were playing footy too. So, we end up playing them and win by the odd goal. I'm in goal and dive like Tuffers the cat (I was a goalie in my playing days) and am covered in sand with no change of clothes. I didn't care, I was pi55ed! Anyway, we decided to go on the pi55 again and one lad is carrying the ball as we head for the boozer. There's a few lads from our team on a balcony of a hotel and shout to him to kick the ball up to them. He obliged and as it landed on their balcony it smashed all the glasses on the table. Fast forward to the night -> we take in a club and I'm off me face and decide to go back to the hotel for a kip. I knock on the door assuming my mates were in there, but I got no answer. Bugger this I thought, so I wandered round the hotel looking for somewhere to kip and found the laundry room and kip in there with about a hundred quilts and pillows. Next morning I wake up and think to myself, I wonder if my mates are awake. So I knock on our door and some geezer opens it and I'm thinking who the **** are you!? As I'm swaying about. Sod this, I'm going to get some fresh air. I walk out the main door and then it clicks. I was in the wrong hotel :rofl:. Our hotel was next door /emoticons/biggrin.png

Anyway, we won the game after all that :thumbsup:

Night night Dave :*

 

[Dave B]

I was at a mates when i was about 18

We were all on the merrydown and 20/20 and the funny fags

Woke up next morning in some birds bed

Walks downstairs to get water as was hanging

The mum who i had never met was down there

"Morning dave" she says

Oops

I must have met her in my drunken state an then proceded to the bedroom with her daughter for the night

Uh oh

 

[Dave B]

I ended up with her for about 10 months

Sex was better when i remembered it too

 

[cheapncheerful]

come on tuffers you got scottie to help you type that...

I would love to tell you one but when I m ****** god only know s what I get up to....although ....don't ask me how...but old Trafford railway sign must have looked good one night out....

 

[Smurf]

I feel like shite after getting hammered last night...Never again

Time now for a nap :zzz::zzz::zzz: