Jokes

[Dodger]

The missus came strolling into my shed the other day and as she was looking around she said you do realise that you're wasting most of our money and your time with all these inventions of yours dont you.

Well the automatic fat moaning slug punching machine 3000 proved her wrong in a second I can tell you.

(obviously cleaned that one up a bit U = A)

 

[dasslr1]

one day 3 old ladys were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.

the first old lady had a stroke then the second old lady had a stroke and the third old ladys arms was to short to reach .

 

[dasslr1]

a man cheats on his girlfriend named lorraine with a girl called clearly .

suddenly lorraine died.

at the funeral the man stands up and sings."i can see clearly now,lorraine has gone ."

 

[ACW]

I got invited to a fancy dress party last week.

Wore just a pair of black gloves and a pair of black socks.

Held my arms in the air. Hey Preston, the 5 of spades..

 

[norm]

man utd 1 w.b.a 2

 

[Masons]

man utd 1 w.b.a 2

No. That's serious....ly funny

They're 12th hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk 2

 

[norm]

:Image13:

 

[mark m]

haha

View attachment 2210

 

[Mart1001]

A joke ???

GTA 5 online.

 

[Bingo]

Paddy was telling Mick about his first sky-dive.

When I got to the door of the plane I just couldn't jump, so this big 6ft 7in instructor unzips his fly and says.......

"If you don't jump you're getting this baby right up your ****".

Mick asks, "Did you jump?"

Paddy replies, "Just a little bit when it first went in".

 

[Bingo]

Due to the increase in tension with Spain, Gibraltar has mobilised its elite task-force.

 

[mark m]

haha

View attachment 2242

 

[Neil]

What do you call a man in a bush?

Russell.

 

[Dodger]

What do you call a man in a bush?

Russell.

lucky

 

[Bingo]

 

[Bingo]

 

[Bingo]

It's called a Bur-car.

 

[Bingo]

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain.

One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Her friend said, "What's that?"

The first lady replied, "It's a condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

"Where did you get it from?"

"You can get them at any chemist's."

The next day, the friend hobbled down to the local chemist on her zimmer frame and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted a packet of condoms.

The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she was, after all, over 80 years old), but politely asked what brand she preferred.

"It doesn't matter," she replied, "As long as it fits a Camel…."

 

[Bingo]

Well,....... my Mrs reckons that a small penis shouldn't affect our sex life.

She may be right...........but I'd prefer it if she didn't have one

.

 

[Gmeister]

What did Adam say to Eve on the night before christmas...

'Its Christmas, Eve'!

 

[Gmeister]

What did Santa do when he was at the bar?

He pulled a cracker!