Jokes

[Bingo]

Liverpool fans seem so happy about Alex Ferguson's retirement......

 

[Bingo]

Met a lovely girl last night, but she had a bit of a stutter.

Anyway, we went for a meal and when the waiter asked what she would like to order.......

She said, "N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n..."

At that point and, being the nice caring person that I am, I decided to help her out and shouted......."BATMAN!"

 

[Bingo]

Anal sex keeps my Mrs really fit.

Every time I mention it she runs a mile .

 

[super mck]

i once wrote a book on trampolines. the handwriting was all over the place.

 

[mark m]

haha

View attachment 1719

 

[mark m]

My wife is coming home from a business trip tomorrow.

As a hopeless romantic, I really want to show her that I simply can't live without her.

I haven't washed the dishes for ten days.

 

[mark m]

haha

View attachment 2010

 

[mark m]

haha

View attachment 2055

 

[ACW]

Had a row with ny Mrs tonight. She accused me of being gullible and no good eiyhbmoney.

Can't wait to see her face in the morning when I tell her I just won the Nigerian Lottery

 

[mark m]

haha

View attachment 2060

 

[Bingo]

My Mrs said that if I don't change my childish ways and try acting more grown-up, she's going to leave me :Image4: ......

I said........ "Your talking a load of up-doc you are" :Image16:......

She said........"What's up doc" :Image8: ....

Guys, you should've seen the tears of laughter roll down my face :Image13: :Image13: :Image13: :Image13: :Image13: :Image13: .

 

[mark m]

haha

View attachment 2065

 

[mark m]

ooohhchh nuts

View attachment 2086

 

[mark m]

haha

View attachment 2087

 

[Whizz-Bizz]

I asked my boss "What do you want me to do with this 6 metre roll of bubble wrap?" He replied, "Just pop it in the corner". 4 flippen hours it took me!

 

[mark m]

haha

View attachment 2106

 

[Dodger]

"I might become a window cleaner," my wife said hilariously. "I've just found a ladder in my tights!"

"You should, dear," I replied. "You've already got a bucket in your knickers."

 

[mark m]

haha

View attachment 2108

 

[Bingo]

Love to do something like this on my last day too :Image13: :Image13: :Image13: ......

 

[norm]

Man Utd transfers

 

[Gmeister]

"Help! Is that the police?"

"Yes, Sir. This is the police."

"Help! We're in the hands of a gang of ruthless criminals intent on utterly destroying us. They know no mercy and they've been torturing us for so long now we can't hold out much longer!"

"Keep calm, Sir. What is your current location and how many of you are involved?"

"We're in the UK and there are 62.74 million of us."