Jokes

[super mck]

tesco are giving double club card points on burgers and petrol from monday. the deal is called only fuel and horses.

 

[mark m]

just had my first s h i t since the horse meat scandal ,it was good to firm ,soft in places

 

[Bingo]

New evidence has been found outside the Pistorius home that completely acquits him of his girlfriend's murder......Footprints.

 

[super mck]

my wife doesnt trust me on bit ... according to her diary.

 

[mark m]

hahaha

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[Mart1001]

Blonde walks into a watchmakers and says "hi, I'd like to buy a watch please"

Watchmaker ask's "analogue ?"

"err...no, just a watch please"

 

[Bingo]

Paddy gets stopped in his car....

Policeman says....."Did you know you were doing 60 mph"?

Paddy says..........."I can't have been, I've only been out 20 minutes"!

 

[Bingo]

A policeman just called and told me my dog had been chasing someone on a bike.

I said to the policeman........"Can't be my dog...he doesn't have a bike".

 

[mark m]

hahaha

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[mark m]

hahaha

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[mark m]

ha

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[dmckellar]

"I caught my twelve year old son looking up women's skirts today," I told the barman after my second whiskey.

"That's pretty normal for a twelve year old, isn't it?" he asked.

"Not on eBay it isn't." I said.

 

[bluemoon]

women are like parking spaces......

all the good ones are taken so you have to quickly slip into a disabled one!!!!!

 

[Bingo]

Think I've upset the Mrs /emoticons/sad.png ....

While I was in bed reading a book, I put my hand on her minge and started rubbing away /emoticons/smile.png .

A few seconds later she was taking her underwear off /emoticons/ohmy.png .

I looked at her and said "What ARE you you doing :huh: ".

She said "Well!...you want a shag don't you :wub: "?

"Noooooo" I said......"I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the page "!

 

[mark m]

haha

 

[mark m]

haha

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[mark m]

haha

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[harunh]

Lol

 

[bluemoon]

Ha Ha !!!

 

[Bingo]

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

‘How did this happen?’ the emergency room doctor asked her.

‘Well, I was trying to commit suicide,’ the blonde replied.

‘What?’ sputtered the doctor. ‘You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?’

‘No, Silly,’ the blonde said, ‘first I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants. I’m not shooting myself in the chest.’

‘So then?’ asked the doctor.

‘Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, ‘I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.’

‘So then?’ asked the doctor.

‘Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: ‘This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

 

[Bingo]

Well, my Mrs reckons that a small penis shouldn't affect our sex life.

She may be right...........but I'd prefer it if she didn't have one :lol: .