Jokes

[Gmeister]

There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up...........Unbelievable.

 

[mark m]

To be fair, after the Generation Game , what else was Jim Davidson supposed to do with all those cuddly toys

 

[Bingo]

I'm surprised that no one's accused Bruce Forsyth of touching them up yet.

But then again, all his victims have probably died of old age by now.

 

[Gmeister]

 

[Bingo]

A girl on the bus said that she would give me a blow job for £5.00.

When she finished, she wiped her mouth and lit a cigarette...

I thought to myself, 'What is the world coming too!!!!......who'd sell cigarettes to a 12 year-old'.

 

[Gmeister]

"Hello emergency services how can we help you?" I answered "I think I need an ambulance" The operator replied "what's the problem?" "It's my wife," I said "she's been drifting in and out of consciousness for an hour and a half and begging for help" " Why didn't you call earlier?" She asked " I was watching the football"

 

[Gmeister]

My girlfriend left me because she said I watched too much porn and I'm too gullible. It's fine though because there are hundreds of hot girls in my area waiting to meet me.

 

[Bingo]

My Mrs said she was leaving me because I was too imature and she couldn't stand it any more.

I said, "Your talking a load of updoc you are".

Guys...you should've seen the tears of joy stream down my face when she said...."What's updoc!"

 

[Bingo]

"Excuse me,"...... I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, "You have some semen on the back of your jacket."

"I'm sure it's not semen" she said,......."It's probably yoghurt."

"It's definitely semen" I said,........ "I don't ejaculate yoghurt."

 

[stevelewis]

I think we should all stop taking the **** out of fat people.........................

They have got enough on their plate already!

 

[CNS-southwest]

Unexpected item in bagging area...........yer a fuk ing horse !!

 

[mark m]

I thought my Tesco burger had been cooked on a George Foreman grill turns out they were marks from a jockeys whip

 

[CNS-southwest]

Was waiting for my chopper ride round London today, but it never came. We were Gona go round crane park aswell....that plan went up in smoke

 

[Matty H]

If anybody has been put off Tescos burgers I suggest you try their meatballs - I had them last night they were the dogs ******** /emoticons/smile.png

 

[mark m]

tesco

View attachment 981

 

[Dodger]

Thats going on facebook lol

 

[mark m]

one more for you dodger lol

View attachment 982

 

[CNS-southwest]

Lol

We all joke but I have these burgers in my frezzer(not the everyday ones) and I bought them the night before this came out, fukc it though if I'm hungry ill eat them

 

[Newbie123]

Opened the freezer to check my burgers and their offff

 

[Bingo]

If you thought Tesco's horse burgers were disgusting.... Wait until you try their 'Quarter Pandas'!

 

[Bingo]

Tesco's veggie burgers are being tested for traces of uniquorn.