Anyone working in between Xmas and New year?

[steve garwood]

Everyone on here seems to be using the time off for doing chores.
Does anyone on here actually go out and enjoy themselves?
Miserable sods

 

[THL4KEL]

Im just having a rest. If something breaks I fix it that day or order a replacement.

 

[Iron Giant]

Everyone on here seems to be using the time off for doing chores.
Does anyone on here actually go out and enjoy themselves?
Miserable sods

I'll be doing some chores, just to give my liver a rest for a few hours

 

[dazmond]

Everyone on here seems to be using the time off for doing chores.
Does anyone on here actually go out and enjoy themselves?
Miserable sods

I'm off to my girlfriends works xmas party on Saturday night. (Slap up 3 course xmas dinner,brass band and disco)and obviously xmas day celebrations with family and boxing day im off to the match with my brothers(city v Everton). Got one more house party on the 30th and that's it....

I don't enjoy parties like I used to. It's just not the same clean and sober but I would rather stick a broken bottle up my a*** than go back to drinking again. It's a mugs game IMO....

 

[ched999uk]

I don't enjoy parties like I used to. It's just not the same clean and sober but I would rather stick a broken bottle up my a*** than go back to drinking again. It's a mugs game IMO....

I'm not knocking your decisions, that's your choice but it struck me as interesting that 'I don't enjoy parties like I used to. It's just not the same clean and sober'.

I think there is 'drinking' and 'drinking', having a few drinks to relax in a party atmosphere can be good but I know some people can take it too far which can spoil it for others. Not to mention the problems the addictiveness of alcohol and other substances can cause.

We all have a choice and live our lives as we see fit - nothing wrong with anyone's choices.

Have a great Christmas and a prosperous 2025 everyone, enjoy yourselves.

 

[clothman!!]

Think I’ll be doing a few days fishing to recharge the batteries

 

[dazmond]

I'm not knocking your decisions, that's your choice but it struck me as interesting that 'I don't enjoy parties like I used to. It's just not the same clean and sober'.

I think there is 'drinking' and 'drinking', having a few drinks to relax in a party atmosphere can be good but I know some people can take it too far which can spoil it for others. Not to mention the problems the addictiveness of alcohol and other substances can cause.

We all have a choice and live our lives as we see fit - nothing wrong with anyone's choices.

Have a great Christmas and a prosperous 2025 everyone, enjoy yourselves.

I've had my fill with drink and drug problems mate,as well as lots of people dying in their late 30s,early 40s(mates,associates and neighbours)over the last 10 years or so. I've also got 2 brothers who have alcohol problems....

So no.....I don't like pubs/clubs anymore esp when I'm surrounded by drunk people

Luckily xmas is basically one day where I have to put up with drunk family members and then it's over!

 

[steve garwood]

I've had my fill with drink and drug problems mate,as well as lots of people dying in their late 30s,early 40s(mates,associates and neighbours)over the last 10 years or so. I've also got 2 brothers who have alcohol problems....

So no.....I don't like pubs/clubs anymore esp when I'm surrounded by drunk people

Luckily xmas is basically one day where I have to put up with drunk family members and then it's over!

I’d rather chop my d1ck off than give up pubs

 

[Chris34]

I've had my fill with drink and drug problems mate,as well as lots of people dying in their late 30s,early 40s(mates,associates and neighbours)over the last 10 years or so. I've also got 2 brothers who have alcohol problems....

So no.....I don't like pubs/clubs anymore esp when I'm surrounded by drunk people

Luckily xmas is basically one day where I have to put up with drunk family members and then it's over!

I know how you feel.

I don't drink anymore, probably the odd pint when I’m actually away with my hobby but it's really rare and it's because of drink and drug problems in the family that mean every time I look at a drink it brings all the thoughts of what's going on currently... so I can't enjoy the drink. So if I can't enjoy it and it makes me think all the things going on... then there's no point...

I'm very angry about it as I used to love going out but too much has gone on.

Basically my brothers girlfriend has got my dad wrapped around her little finger. She's been with my brother for 7 years. Anyway last year my dad had a stroke and lost the use of his right arm and leg, this is a fit person who used to cycle to work being in hospital partially paralysed.

Whilst in hospital my mum was holding the fort at home and my brother and his girlfriend were looking after my 90 year old Grandma, who has dementia and lives at the family home, whilst my mum was going to the hospital to visit my dad. My brother was going off out to work and his girlfriend was left to look after my Grandma for the afternoon visits.

One day my mum was leaving the house, leaving my brothers girlfriend with my Grandma and as she went off down the road she noticed a car pull up behind her at the house and she just had a bad feeling about it, so she pulled up down the road and waited and watched. She saw my brothers girlfriend come out to the car, sit in the passenger seat for less than 1 minute, then get out and the car drove off.

That night I went to see her and she said ‘Chris I’ve got to get something off my chest… she told me and said do you think that’s drugs?’. I told her it’s definitely drugs…

Long story short, my brother eventually came clean, after constant pressure from myself, that she was a heroin addict, but he didn’t tell any of the details.

My mum confronted my dad about it in hospital and basically said if you know anything you better tell me now. He came clean about it and said he had been funding her habit…

My mum and myself found out more details when she managed to get access to my dads bank account and credit cards. My dad had been funding my brothers girlfriends habit for years to the tune of around £500 per week, he had maxed out his credit cards to the tune of £20k and I expect the rest was from my Grandparents inheritance which my dad would have had around £70k. He was working full time and was flat broke, so most of his earnings would have been going to her.

On top of this my dad was paying £800 per month on her flat for 3 years and paying all the bills. Something which I didn’t know, about but my mum did know about.

My mum was distraught on seeing the bank statements. She said she tracked all the dates and there was one particular time that stood out. She had gone away to Wales with my dad for a weekend for their 40th wedding anniversary, whilst there she recalls my dad several times going off to take calls on his phone. On the actual day of their anniversary he made several sizable transactions to her account. It’s this that hurt my mum the most. On the day of their special anniversary, my dads distracted and making payments to her.

My dad apologised and said he didn’t know why he did it. Whilst in hospital he said she means nothing to him now and he will have nothing to do with her.

Since leaving hospital he now says he didn’t know what he was saying in hospital doesn’t think she should be left to fend for herself but will do what my mum wants because of myself basically intervening and saying what he’s saying and wants to do isn’t right.

A few weeks ago I found out that my dad has now made several payments again to my brothers girlfriend.

My brother is working all the hours he can 60+ per week and is flat broke giving all his money to his girlfriend.

My mum has said that my dad has gone into his overdraft to get the money.

My brother won’t hear a bad word said about her, he will not leave her, he believes that funding the addiction is the right thing to do as in his words ‘it gives me a peaceful life’.

This is the short version, there’s tonnes more… But my brother is a heavy drinker and this is where it all started. So each time I see drink… I just get reminded of the nightmare that’s going on. Through his own drinking he has had a bleed on the brain and is now deaf in one ear…

What makes it all the more frustrating is that they actually all really like my brothers girlfriend and feel sorry for her. Even my uncle the other week was telling my brother to ‘wish her well’ (she's not allowed at the house because I stipulated if she ever turns up again I won't have anything to do with the family).

I honestly am being driven to insanity over it all. The stupidity of everyone is outstanding… but I can’t ignore it as it’s put in front of my face time and time again. I cannot control what they do with their monies...

I fully expect the next stage will be the remortgaging of my parents house for £500k, using equity release… to keep it all going. My mum won’t leave my dad because she loves him and they all play happy families pretending that it’s all normal, whilst in the background it’s nothing normal.

It drives my ffing crazy!!!

I can accept anyones drink and drug problems, it’s their choice, what I struggle to accept is sitting back and watching all of my parents money disappear into nothing when my mother in particular has worked extremely hard all her life as a nurse for the NHS. It’s just not right.

Unfortunately, when I see a pint now it just reminds me of it all and all I want to do is get away from it.

 

[Chris34]

Sorry for the long post, it's just something that is a big part of my family life.

 

[ched999uk]

Sorry for the long post, it's just something that is a big part of my family life.

That does sound bad, hope it gets better mate.

 

[dazmond]

Never trust a smackhead,cokehead or an active alcoholic!

Sounds absolutely grim Chris but you can't stop your dad from spending his money how he sees fit (or your brothers money)but they will end up in a terrible financial mess very soon...

Best bet is distance yourself as much as possible and have no financial commitments with any of them....

 

[Chris34]

Never trust a smackhead,cokehead or an active alcoholic!

Sounds absolutely grim Chris but you can't stop your dad from spending his money how he sees fit (or your brothers money)but they will end up in a terrible financial mess very soon...

Best bet is distance yourself as much as possible and have no financial commitments with any of them....

Yeah I fully agree, only thing is it's my mum I'm concerned about, she doesn't deserve it. I've said to her if it was just my dad and my brother I'd leave them to it and when they come knocking asking for help I'd send them packing. I'd happily never see them again and not give it a second thought. My mum is the glue that keeps everyone together.

It's a complete mess. There's loads of secrets and lies and just makes you feel sick the more you find out.

But you're right, I'm trying to somehow distance myself whilst still trying to stop it getting any worse for my mum. I suggested they split up and split everything 50/50 but my mum will never leave my dad.

Basically she is now running up bigger drug habits because she takes heroin and then takes coke to make her alert, so I think it's like one working against the other but the habits are getting worse and costing more.

 

[Iron Giant]

@Chris34 Sorry about your family situation

 

[dazmond]

Yeah I fully agree, only thing is it's my mum I'm concerned about, she doesn't deserve it. I've said to her if it was just my dad and my brother I'd leave them to it and when they come knocking asking for help I'd send them packing. I'd happily never see them again and not give it a second thought. My mum is the glue that keeps everyone together.

It's a complete mess. There's loads of secrets and lies and just makes you feel sick the more you find out.

But you're right, I'm trying to somehow distance myself whilst still trying to stop it getting any worse for my mum. I suggested they split up and split everything 50/50 but my mum will never leave my dad.

Basically she is now running up bigger drug habits because she takes heroin and then takes coke to make her alert, so I think it's like one working against the other but the habits are getting worse and costing more.

Your dad and brother are the enablers.....they need to stop giving her any money whatsoever....you know who the drug dealers will come after?yep your dad and brother when the money runs out to pay for the drug debts. It's a very dangerous situation and could result in serious violence and intimidation.

My uncle was a smack/crack addict and my auntie was a heroin addict. He s been stabbed,shot and been to prison a few times. Both of them are dead now.

Both my neighbours died at 47 years of age from heroin overdoses. At least 4 other neighbours have committed suicide or been sectioned on this estate.Groups of young lads turning up with machetes and smashing windows and hacking away at people's front doors is not uncommon.2 neighbours been stabbed and one shot in the leg(mistaken identity).Even had a guy taking an axe to a neighbours door!

Another time a neighbour(crackhead) petrol bombed another neighbours car(smackhead) and nearly set fire to my car as it was parked next to it. I had an alcoholic neighbour who drove a car without a wheel(yes driving it on a brake drum!)sparks flying everywhere!he passed out in the bath after drinking liquid methadone after a skinful of booze and caused the ceiling to collapse in the downstairs flat cos he left the tap running. He died the same night....

 

[ched999uk]

Your dad and brother are the enablers.....they need to stop giving her any money whatsoever....you know who the drug dealers will come after?yep your dad and brother when the money runs out to pay for the drug debts. It's a very dangerous situation and could result in serious violence and intimidation.

My uncle was a smack/crack addict and my auntie was a heroin addict. He s been stabbed,shot and been to prison a few times. Both of them are dead now.

Both my neighbours died at 47 years of age from heroin overdoses. At least 4 other neighbours have committed suicide or been sectioned on this estate.Groups of young lads turning up with machetes and smashing windows and hacking away at people's front doors is not uncommon.2 neighbours been stabbed and one shot in the leg(mistaken identity).Even had a guy taking an axe to a neighbours door!

Another time a neighbour(crackhead) petrol bombed another neighbours car(smackhead) and nearly set fire to my car as it was parked next to it. I had an alcoholic neighbour who drove a car without a wheel(yes driving it on a brake drum!)sparks flying everywhere!he passed out in the bath after drinking liquid methadone after a skinful of booze and caused the ceiling to collapse in the downstairs flat cos he left the tap running. He died the same night....

And you are delaying moving in with your Girlfriend!!!!! Get moved ASAP.

 

[dazmond]

And you are delaying moving in with your Girlfriend!!!!! Get moved ASAP.

It's normal everyday life these days mate in Salford (and large swathes of the country!). I've lived here for 25 years but only got my mum who lives nearby now. The rest of my family have moved away into other areas as have
most friends(or died)...time for me to move on soon...

 

[ched999uk]

It's normal everyday life these days mate in Salford (and large swathes of the country!). I've lived here for 25 years but only got my mum who lives nearby now. The rest of my family have moved away into other areas as have
most friends(or died)...time for me to move on soon...

If I were you I would be moving at the first opportunity. I feel quite blessed living where I do now. I used to live in Blackpool, South Shore and some of that was iffy but not on the scale you mention.
Hope you have a great Christmas and can move soon.

 

[Crystalalan]

Yeah I fully agree, only thing is it's my mum I'm concerned about, she doesn't deserve it. I've said to her if it was just my dad and my brother I'd leave them to it and when they come knocking asking for help I'd send them packing. I'd happily never see them again and not give it a second thought. My mum is the glue that keeps everyone together.

It's a complete mess. There's loads of secrets and lies and just makes you feel sick the more you find out.

But you're right, I'm trying to somehow distance myself whilst still trying to stop it getting any worse for my mum. I suggested they split up and split everything 50/50 but my mum will never leave my dad.

Basically she is now running up bigger drug habits because she takes heroin and then takes coke to make her alert, so I think it's like one working against the other but the habits are getting worse and costing more.

Chris really sorry you are going through a really bad time with your family. It sounds like your sister in law needs rehab asap or at least narcotics anominous. Is there any chance you and your family could sit down and have a discussion about getting her some help?

Also is her family aware of her addiction?

 

[Chris34]

Your dad and brother are the enablers.....they need to stop giving her any money whatsoever....you know who the drug dealers will come after?yep your dad and brother when the money runs out to pay for the drug debts. It's a very dangerous situation and could result in serious violence and intimidation.

My uncle was a smack/crack addict and my auntie was a heroin addict. He s been stabbed,shot and been to prison a few times. Both of them are dead now.

Both my neighbours died at 47 years of age from heroin overdoses. At least 4 other neighbours have committed suicide or been sectioned on this estate.Groups of young lads turning up with machetes and smashing windows and hacking away at people's front doors is not uncommon.2 neighbours been stabbed and one shot in the leg(mistaken identity).Even had a guy taking an axe to a neighbours door!

Another time a neighbour(crackhead) petrol bombed another neighbours car(smackhead) and nearly set fire to my car as it was parked next to it. I had an alcoholic neighbour who drove a car without a wheel(yes driving it on a brake drum!)sparks flying everywhere!he passed out in the bath after drinking liquid methadone after a skinful of booze and caused the ceiling to collapse in the downstairs flat cos he left the tap running. He died the same night....

Yeah that's exactly what I've told my mum. They're not stupid as such... they are very much living in nice middle class surroundings but are much removed from the potential environment that you are living in, so they don't seem to realise the dangers involved.

My dad actually has the attitude that she's a 'special case' and 'not like all the other addicts'. Well I can tell you, she is exactly like all the other addicts but he see's her in a special light, like he cannot see it for how it is.

My brother, as discussed with my mum, is just not right in the head. It's like attention seeking behaviour. A bit like when you say to someone don't come crying if you poke the dog and it bites you, well that's what he's like. He does all this stuff, loads of drama and then goes sulking back to my parents telling them how bad it is, when he's the one that's fuelling it all. If I was in his shoes I could stop it all tomorrow, I'd just walk away from her and say you're on your own, I'm splitting up with you, I wish you well. Easy, problem solved. Personally I think they actually all like the drama.

The hardest thing is that you don't exactly know what's going on. It's all secrets and lies until something bad happens and then it's exposed. So my dad can seem like everything's fine, like he's doing all the right things, my mum plays happy families, everything seems normal and then something erupts and you find out they've been giving out more money and fuelling the fire.

My mum is the only one who's properly attempted to get help. She's been to meetings on her own because my dad doesn't believe the 'experts' know what they are talking about. He believes he knows better than them. My mum said all the advice she has been given is exactly what I've said. All the recovering drug addicts say the same thing, no matter how bad the situation may seem... never ever give them any money. They even say don't pay for their bills, transports cost, clothing, not even food, because they say that if you buy anything that's not drugs for them, that a person needs for everyday living... well they say you're enabling them. And that's exactly what I've said all along.

The main thing is though what I've learned over the last 7 years all boils to one single point. You cannot control another person behaviour and actions. Everyone has there own free will. It doesn't matter anyone else's opinion, they will do whatever they want no matter how wrong it might seem. As a result of that I realise, like you say, that my dad and my brother, if they want to try and fund the drugs, they will. If my brother wants to drink... he will. If his girlfriend wants to continue taking drugs... she will. If my mum wants to pretend it's all happy families and try and ignore it instead of confronting it... she will. The only actions you can control, are your own actions.

I've thought of all sorts. Arranging to have a brick thrown through the front window of the house. Having a drug user off the street knock on and ask for drugs. Loads of silly things like that, just shock tactics to try and make them wake up... but ultimately there isn't much you can do and only lowers yourself and gets you dragged into it all.

It's very frustrating. From my point of view, and I've told them this, each individual on the planet has a life. How you spend your life is up to you. Spending your life enabling this behaviour and ruining your own life in the process doesn't seem like a good use of your life. You're ruining someone else's life and also your own and all the people surrounding you, not to mention all the costs on society. Even if you believe in the live and let live approach, well the costs on society doesn't just stop at the drug users end point. By enabling them, you're creating demand for the drugs, so the drug dealers have a business to carry on and as a result it inevitably will ruin other people lives in the future.

You've grown up with an environment a lot worse than mine Daz and you've done well to come out on top of it. It's a miracle you've not gone down the paths of your neighbours and family members. You've seen it all and I can appreciate you've got more knowledge on the paths that my family is playing games with. Basically anyone with any sense can see that things can get worse, there isn't a situation where 'it's as bad as it gets' , there is always going to be a worse situation and these are the risks they're playing with.

I'm going to have a sit down with my dad and my mum after Christmas and outline everything they don't want to hear. Things only get talked about when a 'new bad thing' happens and obviously it erupts in arguments etc and then quietens down and then everything seems normal. Well it's when everything is normal that talking about it needs to happen.

It's difficult. No action from me would definitely have meant a worst situation now. My brother and his girlfriend would be living under my parents roof and my mum would basically be a shell of a person by now. I've had to throw my weight about a bit to stop the situation controlling my mums living life. I can't control their actions but I can control certain things just by pretty much fighting back at it all and making demands. Basically not rolling over and letting it all get worse for my mum.

So in January I'll continue to take that approach just to try and prevent them destroying everything. My brothers a lost cause though. My dad will do what my mum wants, reluctantly... and my mum thankfully listens to me. So it's me speaking to my mum and advising her that basically dictates what my dad can and can't do. This is then helpfully backed up when she speaks to advisors. If you can imagine it's like my brother and dad are saying the opposite all the time which wears my mum down to their thinking and normalising it all... it's me that wakes her up and gives her support to advise when it's not right and not normal and not acceptable.

Sorry for the long post.

 

[Chris34]

Chris really sorry you are going through a really bad time with your family. It sounds like your sister in law needs rehab asap or at least narcotics anominous. Is there any chance you and your family could sit down and have a discussion about getting her some help?

Also is her family aware of her addiction?

Yeah no worries mate, people all have different problems of different sorts. Life's not simple and can go wrong for anyone in unexpected ways...

Her family has basically cut ties with her. She's made it sound like her family is the bad ones and my parents have believed it. Obviously we won't know the truth but I think it will be more of a case of her family not financially supporting her drug habit so she's moved onto somewhere else where she can get financial support for the habit (my family). Anyone with any sense knows not to support it and I'd expect if my family stopped supporting it she would leave my brother within days and find the next gullible person to believe the stories...